First note:WOW!! I surprised ma self with this thing!! I cant believe how many jokes i put in here...though all are Sardarji jokes.....i dont mean to make fun of them bcoz we all are Indians
Somebody told me that Sardarjis are very hard working ppl!!!
So keep laughin!! Hope u reach the end!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If any repitations please tell me ........and please give ur comments through mail
Thanks
Santa Singh was travelling in a crowded bus. He was carrying the passport size photograph of his son (for college admission). Accidently,the photograph fell down from his pocket.He started searching for it frantically & found it on the floor, below the ends of a woman's saree. He asked her "Can you lift that saree? I wanna take a photograph"
The rest is history.
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He was beaten so badly that he had to be admitted to hospital. He was surprised to see Banta Singh on the bed next to him,in a worse condition. Banta explained what happened to him He had gone to a remote village to work. He finished late and missed the last bus. He couldn't find any hotel. So he approached a nearby house and asked the Owner whether he can stay there for the night.The Owner replied"I have 2 grown up daughters. Sorry,I can't allow you to stay".
He approached the next house and asked whether he can stay there for the night.The Owner replied,"I have 3 grown up daughters.Sorry,I can't allow you to stay".
He went to the next house and asked:" Do you have "grown up"
Daughters?". The Owner asked,"WHY?????????" Banta replied," I wanted
to stay here for a night....."
The rest is history.
SANTA n BANTA mania continues
>
>SANTA declares:
>
>.. . . I will never marry in my life&. . .
>
>.. . . I'll give same advice to my children also. .. . . .
>
>============ ========= ========= ========= ===
>
>
>
>SANTA talking on cell.
>
>BANTA: kis se baat kar raho ho.
>
>SANTA: biwi se.....
>
>BANTA: itne... pyar se....?
>
>SANTA: tumhari hai. . .
>
>============ ========= ========= ========= ===
>
>A donkey kicked SANTA & ran away
>
>SANTA ran to catch the donkey. He saw a zebra & started beating it &
>
>said 'SALA Tracksuit pahan ke dhoka de raha hai'.
>
>============ ========= ========= ========= ===
>
>SLAM BOOK filled by Santa.
>
>
>
>1.Strength:My wife,Jeeto.
>
>
>
>2.Weakness:Banta' s wife,Preeto.
>
>
>
>3.Oppurtunity: When Banta is on tour.
>
>
>
>4.Threat:When I am on tour
>
>
>
>============ ========= ========= ========
>
>SANTA: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.
>
>Jeeto: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300ml
>
>now it's 1.5 ltr.
>
>============ ========= ========= =====
>
>On Jeeto's bday
>
>SANTA had no money, so he sent a cheque of 100 kisses.
>
>When he returns home Jeeto said: Thanks I got cheque cashed from bank
>
>manager.
>
>============ ========= ========= ========
>
>teacher: make a sentence in which 1 word repeated 4 times
>
>SANTA: lara dutta marries brian lara and she becomes lara lara
>
>============ ========= ========= ======
>
>Teacher: is line ki english banao, usne apna kaam kiya or karta hi
>
>gya.
>
>Santa: He done his work and done dana dan done dana dan....
>
>============ ========= ========= ========= ===
>
>Santa went to mysore palace.
>
>Tourist guide - santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu sultan's chair
>
>Santa - oye dont worry yaar i'll get up when he comes.!!..
>
>============ ========= ========= ========= ===
>
>SANTA wanted to make a STD. call to punjab,
>
>He wanted to save money so what did he do?
>
>Simple, he went to punjab and made a local call.
>
>============ ========= ========= ========= =====
>
>Oye paaji, apni pregnant wife ko itne dard mein hospital
>
>ki jagah pizza hut kyun leja raha hai........
>
>SANTA: Kyun key pizza hut mein"Delivery Free" hai.
>
>============ ========= ========= ========= =
>
>SANTA aapko bus me logo ne kyu mara?
>
>SANTA: Are yaar mere photo bus me niche gir gaya aur mene kaha madam
>
>jara sari upper kijiye photo lena hai.....
>
>============ ========= ========= ========= =========
>
>SANTA enters shop shouts, Where is my free gift with this oil?
>
>Shopkeeper: Iske Saath koi gift nahin hai bhai saab�?o
>
>SANTA : Oye ispe likha hai CHOLESTROL FREE.
>
>============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ====
>
>One tourist from U.S.A. asked to SANTA: Any great man born in this
>
>village?
>
>SANTA: no sir, only small Babies!!!
>
>============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
>
>Teacher: A for?
>
>SANTA: Apple
>
>Teacher: Jor se bolo?
>
>SANTA: Jay mata di.
>
>============ ========= ========= ========= ========= =========
>
>American says: "US mein shaadi E-mail se hoti hai.."
>
>SANTA says: " India me to.. shaadi Fe-mail se hoti hai...!!!"
>
>============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ========= ======
>
>When TITANIC was sinking, a man asks SANTAji, how far is LAND?
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>SANTA: 2kms....
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>Man jumps into THE sea & asks: which way?
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>SANTA: DOWNWARDS.
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>============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ========
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>SANTA orders pizza.
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>Waiter: Sir shud i cut it into 4 pieces or into 8 pieces?
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>SANTA: 4 hi karde 8 khaye nahi jayenge
>
>============ ========= ========= ========= ========= =======
>
>Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
>
>Santa: Who r u?
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>Girl: Seeta here.
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>Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya
>
>============ ========= ========= ========= ========= =========
>
>Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?
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>Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha, har baar lagta hai
>
>jaise usko vapas karne aya hai.
>
>============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ===
>
>Pathan sitting on the top of the mountain and studying.
>
>When a person asked what he was doing?
>
>He replied, Oye! higher studies yaar.
>
>============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ===
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>SANTA n BANTA were fighting after exam.
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>Sir: Y r u fighting?
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>SANTA: This fool left the answer sheet blank,
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>Sir: So what?
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>SANTA: Even i did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both
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>copied.
>
>============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ===
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>SANTA: I'm very kanjoos, I went 2 honeymoon alone & saved 1/2 money.
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>BANTA: You r nothing I saved all my money, my friend was going & I sent
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>my wife with him.
>
>
>
>
>
>Rhyming Couplets
>
>
>A local newspaper (in England) ran a competition asking for a rhyme with
>the most romantic first line... but the least romantic second line.
>Here are some of the entries they received.
>
>
>My feelings for you no words can tell,
>Except for maybe "go to hell"
>
>
>Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
>But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead,
>the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
>
>
>Oh loving beauty you float with grace
>If only you could hide your face
>
>
>Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
>This describes everything you are not
>
>
>I want to feel your sweet embrace
>But don't take that paper bag off of your face
>
>
>I love your smile, your face, and your eyes -
>Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
>
>
>I see your face when I am dreaming.
>That's why I always wake up screaming
>
>
>My love, you take my breath away.
>What have you stepped in to smell this way
>
>
• Wash Basin A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?" To this the man replies, "Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai "Wash Basin".
• Three Engines Fifteen minutes into the flight from Mankuwa City to Sukhpur city, the
captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed.. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left." Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines." An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours.But don't worry ... we still have one engine left." A sardarji passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
• Detective Job Three men were applying for the same job as a detective. One was a Sardarji, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. The chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer. When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, "Who killed Jesus Christ?" The Jewish man answered without hesitation. "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left. When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the Same question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man who then left. Finally the Sardarji arrived for his interview, he was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before saying,"Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said,"OK, but get back to me tomorrow." When the Sardarji arrived home, his wife asked "How was the interview ?". Sardarji replied, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder.
• Guooonn, Guooonn Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we had to spend sleepless nights. Sardarji was also experiencing the same every time. he tries to sleep,one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep with a sound "guooonn, guooonn." He gets very irritated. He tries to cover his ear but the problem remains persistent. Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand. He is very kind and not for the blood shed but still wanted to take revenge. Happy as he is now starts singing a lullaby and says "so ja machchar, bete so ja". After some time he finds the mosquito falling into deep sleep in his hands. So he goes near it and says "Guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn."
• Urine Test Two sardarjis were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying like anything. So the other asked,"Why are you crying?" The first one replied, "I came here for blood test" Second one asked," So? Are you afraid?" First one replied,"No, not that. During the blood test they cut my finger" Hearing this the second one started crying. The first one was astonished and asked other, "Why are you crying?" The other replied, "I have come for my urine test."
• Bihari-Sardar A Bihari was waiting for his bus at the bus stop. Finally the bus arrives and he gets in. The bus is fully loaded with sardarjis. One sardarji orders Bihari to tell a joke. Now, the Bihari thinks he's in big trouble because he knows only sardar jokes! After thinking for some time he decides to substitute all references to 'sardars' in his joke with 'Biharis'. He starts the jokes with, "There was once a Bihari..." And suddenly he gets a major blow on his back from one of the sardarjis who shouts, "Kyon be! Sab sardar mar gaye hai kya?"
• Wrong Answer Santa Singh applied for an engineering position at DEMAN CONSTRUCTION office in Amritsar. Reddy from Chennai applied for the same job and both
applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager Mr. Arvin Singh. Upon completion of the test, the results showed that both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Santa and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to Reddy". Santa: And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct. This being Punjab I should get the job!" Manager: "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the one question that you got wrong. "Santa: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" Manager: "Simple, for the question that both of you got wrong, Reddy put down 'I don't know' as the answer. And you wrote 'Neither do I'!"
• Road to Station Sardarji praising his son who is a Civil engineer, who just laid a road near his house. "Wow! This is terrific! Look at the job he has done! The distance from my house to the railway station is the same as the railway station to my house!!!!!!!!"
• Green TV Sardarji is buying a TV. "Do you have colour TVs?" "Sure." "Give me a green one, please."
• Just a second Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?" "Just a sec," says the receptionist. "Thank you." says the Sardar and hangs up.
• Salary Expected Sardarji is filling up a job application. He promptly fills in the lines on NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc. Then came the column SALARY EXPECTED. After much thought he writes: Yes.
• Crocodile Boots Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes, if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one. He walks over the reptile, checks its legs, angrily exclaims: "71st and *again* barefoot!"
• Thermos Flask Sardarji goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, "That is a Thermos flask." The Sardar asks, "What does it do?" The clerk responds, "Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The Sardar says, "I'll take it!" The next day, he walks into work with his new Thermos. His Sardar boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?" He said, "It's a Thermos flask." The boss asks, "What does it do?" He replies, "Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?" The Sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
• Answering Machine Sardarji fixed an answering machine at home. Two days later he disconnected it because he was getting complaints like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai."
• Photocopies What does Sardarji do after taking photocopies? He compares it with the original for spelling mistakes.
• Photocopy What does Sardarji do when he has one white sheet and wants an extra sheet? He makes a photocopy of the white sheet.
• Free Punjab There was a meeting of all the Sardar freedom fighters. They were planning for a free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a point, "Oh...we'll take Punjab from India but how would we develop it?" That was a tough one indeed. Banta Singh had a brainwave... "No problem! We'll attack Amrika, it would take over us and then we would become a State of USA and develop automatically." All the surds became happy with this very simple solution but an old surd was not. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy. The old surd replied, "THAT'S ALL VERY WELL... WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TOOK OVER AMRIKA???"
• Small TV Sardarji went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied. He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned to tell the salesman "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied.
"Damn, he recognised me," he thought. He went for a complete disguise this time, haircut, new hair colour, new outfit, big sunglasses, waited a few days, saw the salesman again. "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
Frustrated, he exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a Sardar?" "Because that's a microwave," he replied.
• Below 18 Why did 18 Sardars go to a movie? Because below 18 was not allowed.
• Sardarji's Intelligence How do you measure Sardarji's intelligence? Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear.
• Hand Grenade What do you do when Sardarji throws a hand grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.
• Hand Grenade-2 What do you do when Sardarji throws a pin at you? Run like crazy...he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
• Joke On Wednesday How do you make Sardarji laugh on Saturday? Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
• Hands over ear What was Sardarji doing when he held his hands tightly over his ears? He was trying to hold on to a thought.
• Retrain Why does Sardarji work seven days a week? So you don't have to retrain him on Monday.
• Ice Cubes Why can't Sardarji make ice cubes? He always forget the recipe.
• Kill The Bird How did Sardarji try to kill the bird? He threw it off a cliff.
• A wind tunnel
What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.
• Back Of Head
What do you see when you look into Sardarji's eyes?
The back of his head.
• Lightning
Why does Sardarji always smile when a lightning blazes?
He thinks his picture is being shot.
• Shoes
Why does Sardarji have TGIF written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.
• Fax
How can you tell when Sardarji sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.
• Second One
Why can't Sardarji dial 911?
He can't find the Second 1 on the dial.
• Dead Bird
"Oh, look at the dead bird."
Sardarji looked skyward and asked, "Where, Where?
• Smart Sardars and UFOs
What do smart Sardars and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.
• Sardar Snowman
Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman than a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.
• 8 kms a Day
The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran 8 kms a day for 300 days, he would loose 34 kg
At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem. "What's the problem?" asked the doctor.
"I'm 2400 kms from home.
• Jurassic Park
Sardarji goes to see The Jurassic Park.
When the Dinosaurs start approaching he cowers in his seat.
His friend asks him,"Kyun Sardarji, kya baat hai?
Dar kyun lag raha hai? Cinema hi to hai."
Sardarji replies, "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai,pata hai ki cinema hai,
lekin woh to janwar hai, usko kya pata."
• Suicide
Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks...
takes along some wine and chicken with him.
Somebody stops him and asks,
"Kyon bhai ye sab kyun leke baithe ho?"
Sardarji replies, "Saali train late aati hai
kahin bhook se na marjaun.."
• 20 Rupees
Sardarji is travelling by train.
He feels sleepy, so he gives the guy opposite 20 rupees to wake him up when his station comes.
This guy is a barber. He feels that for 20 rupees Sardarji deserves more.
So, when Sardarji falls asleep, the barber quietly shaves off his beard.
When the station arrives, he wakes up Sardarji and sends him home.
Reaching home, he goes to wash his face, and suddenly screams when he sees the mirror.
Sardarni asks, "What's the matter?"
"The cheat on the train takes my 20 rupees and wakes up someone else!"
• Donkey
Having lost his donkey Sardarji, got down
to his knees and thanked God.
A passerby saw this and asked,
"Your donkey is missing. What are you thanking God for?"
Sardarji replied, "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that
I wasn't riding the donkey at that time,
otherwise I would have been missing too."
• Chinese
Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills the birth certificate. "Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese." "How come you write "Chinese" when both parents are Sikh?" "
Aah, Sardarji read a newspaper, it said every 4th person born on the Earth now is a Chinese."
• Rubi, Moti and Sardarji
Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and Sardarji were sent to the outer space.
The ground control issues commands, "Rubi!"
"Woof!" (barking sound ) "Press the red button." "Woof! Woof!"
"Moti!" "Woof!" "Press the white button." "Woof! Woof!"
"Sardarji!" "Woof." "Stop barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything!"
• Clock Tower
Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower. Sardarji says "Yes".
"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride. On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."
The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says I am not a fool. This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."
• Driver
Santa and Banta Singhs landed up in Bombay and got into a doubledecker.
Santa somehow managed to get a bottom seat in the bus. Unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. When the rush was over, Santa went upstairs to look up Banta, found Banta in badly scared, clutching the seats in front with both hands.
Santa asked, "Arre Banta! What's going on? Why so scared?
I was enjoying my ride down there? Scared Banta replied, "Yeah, but you've got a *driver*."
• Called Again
Santa with two red ears went to see his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears. "I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang. Instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But...what happened to your other ear?"
"The scoundrel called again."
• 31 Years Old
Bantu returns from his first day at school and immediately questions hisfather.
"Dad, today we had a Spelling Class - All the other kids could only say half
the alphabet, but I knew the whole thing. Is that because I am Sardar?"
"No son, that's because you are intelligent. "
Bantu seeming content with the answer, asks his father another question,
"Dad, today we had Math class - All the other kids could only count from
1-10, I could count from 1 to 20. Is this because I am Sardar ??"
"No son, that's because you are intelligent," replies his father.
Happy with the answer, Bantu poses another question to his father,
"Dad,today we had Medical Examination, all the other boys were shorter than me, I was atleast twice their height. Is that because I am Sardar ??"
The father replies, "No son, that's because you are 31 years old.
• Oxygen Tube
Santa Singh was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent for his friend Banta. As Banta singh stood beside the bed, Santa Singh's frail condition grew worse, and he motioned frantically for something to write on.
Banta singh lovingly handed him a pen and piece of paper,and Santa used his
last ounce of strength to scribble a note. Then he died.Banta singh thought
it best not to look at the note just then, so he slipped it into his jacket pocket.
Several days later, at the funeral, Banta singh was visting Santa's family. He realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he'd worn the day Santa died. "You know," he said, "Santa handed me a note just before he died. I haven't read it, but
knowing Santa, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all.". He
unfolded the note and read aloud, "You're standing on my oxygen tube!"
• Thought
Banta Singh finished his English exam and came out.
His friends asked him how he had fared. He replied, "Exam was okay, except for the past tense of 'think'. I thought, thought, thought and at last, I wrote 'thunk'!"
• Bet On Highlights
Santa told Banta, "I bet that India would win against Pakistan and lost Rs 1,000." Banta exclaimed: "Yaar, you bet Rs 1,000 for a single match?" Santa replied:
"Nahi yaar, I bet Rs 500 on that match." Banta asked: "So, what happened to the other Rs 500?" Santa repied: "Chad yaar, I bet on the highlights too."
• Train Driver
A train suddenly deviated from the tracks and ran onto the nearby fields before returning on the tracks again. The passengers were horrified at this. At the
next railway station, the driver was caught and questioned. He was a sardar and explained that a man was standing on the tracks and he refused to budge.
The authorities asked him, "Sardarji, are you mad? Just to save one person, you put so many lives in danger. You should have overrun that person." The
sardar replied: "Exactly, that is what I was doing, but this idiot started running towards the field when the train came very close."
• House on Fire
Once a building caught fire and two guys and a sardar were trapped in the balcony. On the ground, fire fighters caught hold of a net and asked them to jump.
The first one jumped but the fire fighters removed the net and he was killed. Then the other guy was asked to jump and again they removed the net too soon and he
was dead. Seeing all this, the sardar was furious and said: "You keep the net on the ground and get away from it. I don't trust you.
• Cellular Phone
A sardar is in a bar and his cellular phone rings, so he picks it up and says
" Hello, how did you know I was here?"
• Secret Agents
Why are sardar secret agents the best in the world? Because even under
torture they can't remember what they have been assigned to.
• Checkbook
Did you hear about the sardar who signed all his checks so no one Else
could write in his checkbook other than him if he lost his checkbook?
• Two Coats
Banta Singh was painting his living room one hot day.
His friend Santa Singh asked him, "Why, are you wearing two jackets?".
"Because,” said Banta Singh, "The directions on the can said to put on two coats."
• White Lines
A sardar was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a highway.
On his first day he painted six miles; the next day three miles; the following day less than a mile.
Then the foreman asked the sardar why he kept painting less each day, he replied "I just can't do any better. Each day I keep getting farther away from the paint can."
• Empty Bottles
Why does a Sardar keep empty beer bottles in his fridge?
They're there for those who don't drink.
• Lunch Box
Why do sardars have see-through lunch box lids?
So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming
home.
• Think
A sardar's response to the comment, "THINK about it!": "I don't have
to think-I'm sardar!"
• Window
A sardar, a japanese, and a britisher were lost in the desert. They were driving around in a Jeep when it broke down, because they had nothing else they decided to each take a piece of the Jeep as they continued their journey.
The japanese took the radiator, the britisher took the seat, and the sardar took the door. After a while of walking the britisher asked the japanese "I'm confused,
why did you bring the radiator?" The japanese responded, "If I get thirsty,I can
drink the fluid." Next the sardar asked the britisher "Why did you bring
the seat?" So the britisher said "If I get tired,I am not going to sit on the
sand. I can sit on this comfortable seat." Finally the japanese asked the sardar why he had chosen the door. The sardar quickly responded to this question, "Well,when I shall feel the need to get some breeze in this summer all have to do is roll down the window."
• Magic Lamp
A sardar, a japanese, and a britisher were shipwrecked on a deserted
island. One day they came upon an old lamp buried in the sand.
As they brushed the sand from the lamp a Genie appeared and said I'll
give each of you one wish." The japanese said "I wish I was home!" PUFF and
he was gone! The britisher said "I wish I was home!" PUFF and he too
was gone. The sardar said "Boy is it lonely here! I wish my friends were
back!"
• Sheep & Dog
A sardar was tired of being sardar and constantly being the subject of all
those dumb sardar jokes. He finally cut his hair. He decided to take a drive through the country to celebrate his new life. Going past a field of sheep (he loved sheep) he stopped and asked the farmer "If i can guess how many sheep in your flock, can I have one?" The farmer laughed and said "Sure, Sir"
He gazed out for a few seconds and said "There's 1,973 sheep" The farmer said with amazement "Your're right! Go and pick one out". On his way back to his car he was stopped by the farmer yelling "Hey Sir! If I can guess your real identity can I have my dog back?"
• Ban Sardarji jokes
Desh mein badthi hui sardarji jokes dekh kar Santa aur Banta chintith ho jate hain.. Dono milkar Bhatinda mein Akhil Bharatiya Sardarji Sammelan ka ayojan kartein hain.. Sammelan ka muddha hai .:"Ban Sardarji jokes..".Sammelan ke baad, Santa, Banta aur doosare sardarji Delhi pohanch jatein hain, Cultural Affairs mantri shri Surinder Singh se milnein..Kafi Dharna ke baad wo Surinder singh se miltein hain. Santa chillata hai, " Kaise sardarji ho ji aap, Desh mein din ba din Sardarjiyo par joke likha ja raha hai aur aap Mantri ho kar bhi, kuch karte hi nahi..aap turanth iin jokes par ban lagaiye.." Surinder singh kuch sochane ke bad bolta hai " Mere pyare sardarji Bhaiyon,aap in jokes ko dil se kyon lete hain,jokes tho jokes hai, aur waise bhi hum sardarji log kuch buddhu hote hain..". Santa aur Banta yeh sunkar Gussa ho jatein hai aur chilatein hai, arre mantri jara sabith kar ke dikhao ki hum buddhu hain..". Surinder bolta hai," OOye, ye lo ji, ismein konsi baddi baat hain, abhi lo.." aur wo apne driver ko bulata hai " oye Milkha singh, oye Milkha, jara idhar aa". Milkha cabin mein aata hai.. Surinder bolta hai.." oye milkha ja daud ke ja aur pata kar ki mei ghar pohancha ki nahin.."..Milkha chale jata hai. Surinder bolta hai.." Dekh lo kitna buddhu hai, Telephone kar ke nahi pooch saktha tha.."..
• Sardar Tiger
Sardar Dhakaan Singh is big hunter. Once he went to a zoo. At that time a big tiger escaped from its cage. The zoo officials sent everyone out of the zoo and closed the main gate. Now the tiger is inside the zoo but wandering freely.Zoo people requested sardar to go inside and trap the tiger in a cage.Scared but to avoid insult he went into the zoo in his jeep carrying a big gun. While driving on one of the zoo's roads, he noticed that the tiger is chasing him. Feeling scared he drove the jeep fast but only to observe that the tiger is very near to the jeep. At that time the road separated into
two paths ahead, one to the left and other to the right. Then cleverly dhakaal put the left indicator on and turned the jeep to the road on right. The tiger runs into the left path. With a sigh of relief, he drove forward. After some time the roads meet and the same situation arises again. once more the road divides into two and this time our sardar is smart enough to put the right indicator on and turned to left. This time the tiger goes into the road on right side. After some time the roads meet again to our sardar's misfortune and the tiger starts to chase him again. This time the road never divides and our sardar thought the tiger would catch him. Then a brilliant idea struck his mind. He slows down his jeep taking it to the left corner of the road. Then
he held his hand outside and a gives signal which is given for vehicles which want to overtake. The tiger this time overtakes his jeep and runs forward.
Result :- There are Sardar Communities in Tigers too.
• 30000 kms
A sardar wanted to sell his old battered Maruti car which had done more than
100,000 kms. Since no body was inclined to buy it, he approached his friend to
help him dispose it off. The friend advised him to have the mileage meter
reading reduced to around 30,000 kms so that he could tell the prospective
customer that it has been used sparingly. The sardar liked the idea. A few
weeks later the same friend met him and enquired whether he was able to
dispose off his car. The sardar replied, "Are you mad? Who sells a car which
has done only 30000 kms!
• Rechecking Answers
A Sardarjee reported for his University final examination which consists of
"yes/no" type questions. he takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at
the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes
his wallet out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the
answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour he is all
done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few
minutes, he is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The
moderator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. "I finished the
exam in half and hour. But, I am rechecking my answers
• Money Needed
Santa Singh needed some money desperately.
Someone told him that if goes & prays at Gurudwara, Mosque, Church & a temple, that his prayers will surely be answered. So Santa goes to a Gurudwara, & prays there. Then he goes to a Mosque and prays there. Than he goes to a church and prays there. Then he goes to a Shiv temple. The temple had
a large Lord Shiva statue. Santa closes his eyes, bows his head, joins his hands and says his prayer.
Santa: "Ho Jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho. Saannoo 100 rupayen chahiye. Kirpa karo."
The priest saw Santa praying. He wante to help Santa, but knew that a Sikh will never accept the money. So he drops a 100 rupee note, from behind the statue, so that Santa can not see him. After Santa had said his prayers, and opened his eyes. He saw the note and thought that god has listened to his
prayers. He takes the note and goes away. However he is back again next day for money. Now the priest is really annoyed with Santa. The Priest decides that he is not going to give any more money to
Santa. He changes the big Shivji statue with smaller one of Ganapathi that day. Once again Santa goes to the prayer room. However he does not notice the difference. Santa closes his eyes, bows his
head, joins his hands and says his prayer. Santa: "Ho Jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho. Ajj to
saannoo 50 rupayen hi chahiye. Kirpa karo." After that he slowly opens his eyes and does not find any
money.
Santa: "O papa jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho. Asee 10 rupayen me hi kaam chala lenge. Kirpa karo jee." After that he slowly opens his eyes and does not find any money. He slowly raises his head and now notices that small Ganapthi statue. He carefully looks left and than right, & than slowly moves a bit forward near the statue. Than he whispers to the Statue: "Beta, Papa kitthe hai?!?!!
• What did the Sardar say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
"Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!"
• What do you call an eternity?
Four Sardars in four cars at a four way stop.
• Why do Sardars have TGIF written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.
• What do SMART Sardars and UFO's have in common?
You always hear about them but never see them.
• Why did the Sardars stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
Because it said concentrate.
Oh look, Daddy...Donut seeds.
• Why do Sardars always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
• How can you tell when a Sardars sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.
• Why can't Sardars dial 911?
They can't find the 11 on the phone!
• What do you do if a Sardar throws a pin at you?
Run, she's got a grenade in her mouth!
• How can you tell if a Sardar has been using your computer?
There is white-out all over the monitor.
• Why shouldn't Sardars have coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.
• How do you drown a Sardar?
Put a scratch & sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.
• Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as opposed to a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.
• How do you get a twinkle in a Sardar's eye?
Shine a flashlight in his ear.
• Why don't Sardars like making KOOL-AID?
Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
• Did you hear about the two Sardars that were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theater?
They went to see "Closed for Winter".
• Why won't they hire Sardars as pharmacists?
They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
• Hear about the Sardar that got an AM radio?
It took her a month to realize he could play it at night.
• What happenned to the Sardar Ice Hockey Team?
They drowned in Spring Training.
• A Sardar walks into a bar, orders
three pints of "Desi Daru"and sits in the back of
the room, drinking a sip out of each one
inturn. When he finishes them, he comes back
to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint
goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if
you bought one at a time."
The Sardar replies, "Well, you see, I have
two brothers. One is in America, the other in
Dubai, and I'm here in Punjab. When we all
left home, we promised that we'd drink this
way to remember the days when we drank
together."
The bartender admits that this is a nice
custom, and leaves it there. The Sardar
becomes a regular in the bar, and always
drinks the same way: He orders three pints
and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All
the other regulars notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second
round, the bartender says, "I don't want to
intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my
condolences on your great loss."
The Sardar looks confused for a moment,
then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs.
"Oh, no," he, says, "everyone's fine. I've just
quit drinking."
• This is about a day when Mr. Zail was the President of
the country. All sardars in the country went to him this day and told him
that people tease them by making jokes about them that when the clock
stucks 12:00, all sardars go mad and act like crazy. They complained that
this is not true. They also complained that people talk about sardar
having no common sanse. Therefore, they demanded him to go bring for them common sense.
Mr. Zail Singh was confused and asked his secretary to give him some suggestions. The secretary advised him to go to Japan, since quality is guaranteed.
The next day Mr. Zail Singh rushes off to Japan. At the Osaka Airport he hires a cab and asks him to take him to a shop where he can get common sense.
The cab driver was pissed, he told him that there is no shop in Japan that sells such stuff. Infact every human being has common sense since birth. And that one should know how to make use of it. Mr. Zail Singh asked him to explain in detail.
He started explaining by giving an example. The example was that there are 4 members in his family, his wife, his son, and his daughter. He then asked Mr. Zail Singh to guess the fourth members of the family. Mr. Zail Singh said, "How am i supposed to know who is the forth member in your family". The driver said, "fool, its me"
Mr. Zail then understood and said,"oh! is this what common sense is?, Indian sardars are fools and stupid, this is so easy!"
The next day he goes back to India and announces all sardars to get together for a mass sardar lunch. He starts explaining with the same example. He says," there are 4 members in my family, my son, my daughter, and my wife, guess who is the fourth one?". All sardars shouted, "We don't know".
He then yells at them,"You fools, stupid, good for nothing. It is so simple, the fourth member of the family is that taxi driver"
• Sardar Terrorist
There were two Sardarjis Bantya and Santya as bombers. They
had to place a time bomb in order to explode a building. So
they were going on their destination in a car. On their way
Bantya asked Santya, "Santya what will happen if the time
bomb explodes in this car itself." Santya replied
"Don't worry, I have a spare one!!!!!
• Dangerous Buddy: A Paki goes to the doctor and as he touches every part of her body with her finger she says, "Doctor it hurts everywhere. My leg hurts, my arm hurts, my neck hurts, and even my head hurts!" The doctor asks, "Where you ever a friends with a Sardar?"
"Yes I was." he replies. "why do you ask?"
The doctor answers, "because your finger is broken!"
• Dead Bird: A Sardar and a Paki were walking outside when the Paki said, "Oh look at the dead bird."
The Sardar looked skyward and said, "Where, where?"
• This is is a letter from a sardarji mother to her
son at school ...
Pyaarey Puttar,
Vahe Guru. I am writing this letter slow because I
know you can't read fast. We don't live where we
did when you left home. Your dad read in the
newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles
from your home, so we moved! I won't be able to
give you the address as the last sardar who stayed
in this house took the numbers with them for their
next house, so they wouldnt have to change their
address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing
machine. I'm not sure it works too well, last week
I put in three shirts and pulled the chain and I
HAVE NOT SEEN THEM SINCE.
THE weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice
last week. The first it rained for three days and the
second time for four days. The coat you wanted me
to send you, your aunt said it would be a little too
heavy to send in the mail with all the buttons, so we
cut them off and put them in the pocket.
We got another bill from the funeral home. It said
that if we don't make the last payment on
GRANDMA'S FUNERAL, she will come up again.
Your father has another job. He has 500 men under
him. He is cutting the grass in the cemetery. Your
sister had a baby this morning, I havent found out
whether it is a boy or girl, so I don't know whether
you are an aunt or uncle!
Your uncle jatindar fell into a whiskey vat. Some
men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off
and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for
3 days.
Three of your friends went off the bridge in a
pick-up truck. One was driving and the other two
were in the back. the driver got out, he rolled down
the window and swam to safety. the other 2 friends
drowned because they couldn't get the gate down.
there isn't much more news at this time. nothing much has happened.
love, mom
p.s. i was going to send you some money, but the
envelope was already sealed.
*Q. Why can't Sardar dial 911?**
A. They can not find the eleven on the phone* *
----------------------* *
Q. What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies?
A. He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes !! **
---------------
Q. What will a sardarji do if he wants an additional white sheet of paper?
A. As he has already one with him, he takes a photocopy of the white paper
!!! **
---------------* *
Q. What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you?
A. Pull the pin and throw it back.* *
---------------* *
Q. Why can't Sardars make ice cubes?
A. They always forget the recipe. **
---------------* *
Q. How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?
A. He threw it off a cliff.* *
---------------* *
Q. What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?
A. A wind tunnel.* *
---------------* *
Q. What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?
A. The back of his head.
----------------* *
Q. Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
A. They think their picture is being taken.* *
---------------* *
Q. Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
A. Toes Go In First.
----------------* *
Q. How do you get Sardar on the roof?
A. Tell him the drinks are on the house.* *
-----------------* *
Q. "Oh, look at the dead bird.
A. " Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?*
-----------------* *
SARDARJI JOKES
the Great
You should be sure the person is Sardar when he:
• puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to make up his mind.
• gets stabbed in a shoot-out.
• sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.
• tries to drown a fish in water.
• thinks socialism means partying.
• trips over a cordless phone.
• takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
• At the bottom of the application where it says "Sign Here" he puts
"Sagittarius.".
• studies for a blood test and fails.
• sells the car for gas money.
• misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.
• drives to the airport and sees a sign that said, "Airport left", he turns around and
goes home.
• gets locked in Furniture Shop and sleeps on the floor.
* * * *
Q: "Have you ever read Shakespeare?"
Sardar: "No, who wrote it?"
* * * * *
Sardar ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
* * * * *
Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.
* * * * * *
How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?
Page 2 of 37
Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear
* * * * * *
What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
Run like Hell....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
* * * * * *
How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
* * * * * *
What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.
* * * * * *
Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.
* * * * * *
Why can't Sardars make ice cubes?
They always forget the recipe.
* * * * * *
How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?
He threw it off a cliff.
* * * * * *
What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.
Page 3 of 37
* * * * * *
What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?
The back of his head.
* * * * * *
What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
* * * * * *
What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer?
Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).
* * * * * *
What do you call a sardar who has only one drink?
Just-one Singh.
* * * * * *
Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
* * * * * *
Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.
* * * * * *
How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.
Page 4 of 37
* * * * * *
Why can't Sardar dial 911?
They can not find the eleven on the phone
* * * * * *
How do you get Sardar on the roof?
Tell him the drinks are on the house.
* * * * * *
"Oh, look at the dead bird."
Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?
* * * * * *
What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.
* * * * * *
Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as opposed to a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.
TO LOOSE WEIGHT...
The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would
loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had
lost the weight, but he had a problem. "What's the problem?" asked the doctor. "I'm
2400 kms from home."
Page 5 of 37
HEAVEN
A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told
him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order
to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not the
answer I expected, so your answer is correct. But how did you get only 12 seconds in
a year?"
The Sardar replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd,March 2nd, etc...."
Saint Peter lets him in without another word
.
ANOTHER COUNT!
Our Sardar is walking down the street and sees a man jumping up and down on a
manhole cover yelling "86, 86, 86". He asks the man, "Excuse me, but why are you
jumping up and down on this manhole cover and yelling '86, 86, 86'?" The man says,
"Well, I can't tell you that, but if you really want to know, I can let you go under
there and find out. He thinks for a moment, then his curiosity gets the better of
him, and he says, "Okay." The man lifts the manhole cover, He steps into the manhole,
and the man puts the manhole cover back and starts jumping up and down on it yelling
"87, 87, 87"...
EMPLOYMENT?
Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the
columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column Salary
Expected : He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he
wrote : Yes
AT INDO-PAK WAR
Once in the Indo Pakistan war, Pakistan was fighting fiercely and capturing
Page 6 of 37
everything in sight. A sikh camp called Gurudwara hideout was crucial to defend from
the pakistanis as it contained all the defence secrets. The pakistani forces
surrounded the base and the sikhs had thought that they had lost the battle but,
suddenly out of the bushes jumps Captain. Hari Singh wearing a Maachar
dani!(mosquito net) He Pulls out his AK-47 rifle and fires like mad. The pakistanis run
off quickly. The next day Hari Singh gets a medal. His friends ask him "Yaar thu
maachar daani kyon pehenke gaya tha?" Hari Singh replies "Maachar daani itni patli
hote hain ki agar maachar nahin ghus sakte, goli kahan se ghussenghi?
In the following war Hari Singh retires and his son Gani Singh No Assumptions
Please!) joins the army. Pakistanis are again surrounding the Gurudwara hideout, the
sikhs again think they've lost the war but out of the bushes erupts Gani Singh
wearning nothing he tries do shoo away the pakistanis like his father did but instead
gets shot. In the hospital his friends tell him "aare yaar, therre bap me tho itni akal
thi ki vo maachar daani pehin ke gaya tha, aur tu nunga chale gaya". Gani Singh replies
"aare yaar main tho odomos lage ke gaya tha"!
HEIGHTS OF REVENGE
Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we had to
spend sleepless nights. Sardarji was also experiencing the same every time he tries
to sleep, one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep with a sound "guooonn, guooonn.".
He gets very irritated. He tries to cover his ear but the problem remains persistent.
Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand. He is very kind and not
for the blood shed but still wanted to take revenge. Happy as he is now starts singing
a lullaby and says "so ja machchar, bete so ja". After some time he finds the
mosquito falling in to deep sleep in his hands. So he goes near it and says
"Guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn."
DOUBLE DECKER BUS RIDE
Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a
double- decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But
unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush is over, Santa
went upstairs to see friend Bannta Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching
the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. He says, "Are Banta Singh! What
the heck's going' on? Why are you scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there ?"
Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a *driver.* "
Page 7 of 37
CHANDIGARH OR JALANDHAR
Sardar was going to Chandigarh from pune by a air-india plane. He was alloted the
middle seat of one of the 3-seats array. But as soon as the sardarji got into the
plane, he sat on the window side seat which was actually for an old lady. After some
time the old lady came and requested the sardarji to leave the side seat. But the
sardaji told: "I want to see the view from the window and shall not leave". The old
lady then complained to the air hostess. The air hostess came and requested the
sardarji to leave that seat. But sardarji was adament and did not leave. Then the air
hostess went and told the asst capt. He also came and requested, but in vain. Finally
the Captain came. He whispered something in the ears of the sardarji, and the
sardarji immedietly left the side seat and returned to the middle seat. Astonished,
the airhostess and the asst. capt. asked the capt. what he told to the sardarji. Capt.
replied: "nothing. I just told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh. All
others will go to Jalandhar."
KHALISTAN JOKES
Khalistan National Drink : Sarbat Khalsa.
Khalistan National Bird : Tandoori Chicken.
International Airline : Kitthe Pacific.
National Airline : Itthe Pacific.
National Anthem : Sten-a gun-a man-a ..........
National Taxi Service : Kar Seva.
National song : Bande marte hum.
Female terrorist : Hard Kaur.
National dish : AKALI-DAAL.
Sikh scuba diver : JULL-UNDER SINGH.
Better adapted sikh diver : JULLUNDER SINGH GILL.
COLOR TV
Sardarji is buying a TV.
"Do you have color TVs?"
"Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."
Page 8 of 37
CROCODILE BOOTS
Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots.
He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a search is being made, they find him
hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one . He walks over the reptile, checks
its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and *again* barefeet!"
LONG FLIGHT
Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"
"Just a sec," comes an answer.
"Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up!
TRAIN TO LUDHIANA
Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railway station. Hari Singh asks the clerk:
"Can I take this train to Ludhiana?". "No," answers the Railway man. "Can I?" asks
Gani Singh.
THE 4 SARDARJIS
There were 4 sardars in Mumbai. They decided to start a business.They had a lot of
discussions on the type of business and finally decided to start a hotel. They
selected the best of locations and cooks and built the hotel.
The hotel was inaugrated and was awaiting its first customer. The sardars waited and
waited but nobody turned up. The story was the same the next day. A week passed
but noboby turned up.
WHY ? -
Bcos there was a sign at the entrance "Visitors not allowed."
After the failure of their hotel they decided to start an auto garage. They bought
the best of car servicing equipments and soon started the garage.
The 4 sardars waited that day for the first car to arrive but no car entered their
garage. They waited for one day, 2 days ,a week but no car came to their garage.
WHY ?
B'cos their garage was on the first floor.
Page 9 of 37
After this failure they decided to fall back on the good old taxi driving. They bought
a new Premier Padmini running on CNG and began to look for passengers. They drew
past Churchgate but nobody hailed their taxi. They went to Nariman point yet
nobody hailed their taxi. They drove to Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus, even there
nobody hailed their taxi. In desperation they kept on driving all around Mumbai but
alas no one hailed their taxi.
WHY ?
B'cos all the four sardars were sitting in the taxi.
All the 4 sardars were very disgusted with their naseeb and decided to push their
taxi into the sea at Marine Lines. They started pushing their taxi.
They pushed the whole day and were very exhausted but the taxi did not move even
an inch. They decided to rest for the night and start the next day. The next day the
story repeated itself. The taxi just wouldnt move. They pushed for a whole week but
the taxi wouldnt budge.
WHY ?
B'cos two sardarjis were pushing from front and two from behind.
SANTA SING AND STUDENTS
Sardar Santa Singhji is the english teacher in a school. He is very well renowned
for all his students do very well in exams. The school is having an inspection and the
inspector decided to visit the english class. This is what transpires :
Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA "
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA "
Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA "
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA "
Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE
MAI"
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE
MAI"
Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE
MAI AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH "
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE
MAI AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH"
By this time the inspector is furious . He confronts the principal and shouts at him
"What is this Santa Singh teaching to students. He is supposed to be taking an
Page 10 of 37
english class and what he is saying is GADHA ,GADHE KE PECHE GADHA , GADHE KE
PECHE MAI AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH. The principle too is shocked , Santa
Singh the famous english teacher doing this. He immediately sends for Santa Singh.
Principal : " Santa singhji what nonsense are you telling these students, GADHA ,
GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE MAI AUR MERE PECHE SAARA
DESH".
Santa Singh : "Yes i was telling all this in class, but i was only teaching the students
the spellings of assassination.:- Ass-Ass-I-Nation
SOME SECRETS OF PAKISTAN ARMY
How do you stop a Pakistani tank ?
Shoot the men who are pushing it.
How do you disable a Pakistani tank?
Hide the wind-up key.
How do you disable Pakistani missiles?
Cut the rubber band.
Pakistani Air Force officials have recently motioned for a name change for the PAF.
They want to call it the PMC, the Pakistani Mining Corps. This is because their planes
end up in the ground anyway.
Pakistani military researchers have recently ordered for the enlargement of the
hatches on tanks and other armoured vehicles. This is so they can be more easily
abandoned in enemy territory.
Have you ever seen Pakistani war heroes?
Neither has Pakistan.
Did you hear about the latest Pakistani invention?
It's a solar powered flashlight.
Did you hear about the other latest Pakistani invention?
The new automatic parachutes. They open on impact.
How do you sink a Pakistani battleship?
Page 11 of 37
Put it in water.
Did you hear about the 747 jet which crashed into a cemetery in Karachi?
The Pakistani officials have so far recovered 3000 bodies.
Did you hear about the Pakistani admiral who had asked to be buried at sea?
Five Pakistani sailors died digging his grave.
Did you hear about the other tragedy in Karachi ?
There was a terrible power cut in Karachi's Four Square Shopping Mall. People were
stuck on the escalator for four hours.
Did you hear about the Pakistani family that froze to death outside a theatre ? They
were waiting to see the movie "Closed for the winter".
Did you hear about the Pakistani helicopter crash ?
The pilot felt cold, so he turned off the fan.
Why do Pakistani dogs have flat noses ?
They get it from chasing parked cars.
Did you hear about the Pakistani who studied diligently for five days ?
He was scheduled to take a medical test.
Did you hear about the shutdown of the Karachi National Library ?
Somebody stole the book.
SOME ROMANTIC COUNTRIES OF THE WORLD
These are some of the romantic countries in the world.
H.O.L.L.A.N.D. - Hope Our Love Lasts And Never Dies.
I.T.A.L.Y. - I Trust And Love You.
L.I.B.Y.A. - Love Is Beautiful; You Also.
F.R.A.N.C.E. - Friendships Remain And Never Can End.
C.H.I.N.A. - Come Here.. I Need Affection.
B.U.R.M.A. - Between Us, Remember Me Always.
N.E.P.A.L. - Never Ever Part As Lovers.
Page 12 of 37
I.N.D.I.A. - I Nearly Died In Adoration.
K.E.N.Y.A. - Keep Everything Nice, Yet Arousing.
C.A.N.A.D.A. - Cute And Naughty Action that Developed into Attraction.
K.O.R.E.A. - Keep Optimistic Regardless of Every Adversity.
E.G.Y.P.T. - Everything's Great, You Pretty Thing!
M.A.N.I.L.A. - May All Nights Inspire Love Always.
T.H.A.I.L.A.N.D - Totally Happy. Always In Love And Never Dull.
GREAT TO BE AN INDIAN
You may be aware of that after IT now India moving towards Biotechnology.
According to one research India will emerge as a super power in IT & Medical
research by 2025.
Q. Who is the Co-founder of Sun Microsystems? (The company which is sweeping the
Internet with its brainchild Java)
A. Vinod Khosla
Q. Who is the Creator of Pentium Chip? (Needs no introduction, 90% of the today's
computers run on it)
A. Vinod Dahm
Q. Who is the third richest person on the world?
A. According to the latest report on Fortune Magazine, it is Azim Premji,
CEO, Wipro. The Sultan of Brunei is at 6th position now.
Q. Who is the current president of AT&T Bell Labs? (AT & T Bell Labs is the creator
of C, C++, Unix to name a few)
A. Arun Netravalli
Q. Who is the founder and creator of Hotmail? (Hotmail is world's No. 1 web based
email program)
A. Sabeer Bhatia
Q. Who is the GM of Hewlett Packard?
A. Rajiv Gupta
Q. Who is the Testing Director of Windows 2000?
Page 13 of 37
A. Sanjay Tejwrika
We are known as the Indian Mafia (or Internet Mafia?).
We are the wealthiest among all ethnic groups in America, even faring better than
the whites and the natives. We are the success story in America.
Let the world know what we stand for.
!"There are 3.22 Million Indians in America.
!"38% of Doctors in America are Indians.
!"12% of Scientists in America are Indians.
!"36% of NASA employees are Indians.
!" 34% of MICROSOFT employees are Indians
!"28% of IBM employees are Indians
!"17% of INTEL employees are Indians
!"13% of XEROX employees are Indians.
Some of these facts may be known to you. These facts were recently published in a
German Magazine which deals with WORLD
HISTORY FACTS ABOUT INDIA.
A. India never invaded any country in her last 10000 years of history.
B. India invented the Number System. Zero was invented by Aryabhatta.
C. The World's first university was established in Takshila in 700BC. More than
10,500 students from all over the world studied more than 60 subjects. The
University of Nalanda built in the 4th century BC was one of the greatest
achievements of ancient India in the field of education.
D. Sanskrit is the mother of all the European languages. Sanskrit is the most
suitable language for computer software reported in Forbes magazine, July 1987.
E. Ayurveda is the earliest school of medicine known to humans. Charaka, the father
of medicine consolidated Ayurveda 2500 years ago. Today Ayurveda is fast
regaining its rightful place in our civilization.
Page 14 of 37
F. Although modern images of India often show poverty and lack of development,
India was the richest country on earth until the time of British invasion in the
early 17th Century.
G. The art of Navigation was born in the river Sindh 6000 years ago. The Very word
Navigation is derived from the Sanskrit word NAVGATIH. The word navy is also
derived from Sanskrit 'Nou'.
H. Bhaskaracharya calculated the time taken by the earth to orbit the sun hundreds
of years before the astronomer Smart.; Time taken by earth to orbit the sun:
(5th century) 365.258756484 days.
I. The value of pi was first calculated by Budhayana, and he explained the concept of
what is known as the Pythagorean Theorem. He discovered this in the 6th century
long before the European mathematicians.
J. Algebra, trigonometry and calculus came from India; Quadratic equations were by
Sridharacharya in the 11th Century; The largest numbers the Greeks and the
Romans used were 106 (10 to the power of 6) whereas Hindus used numbers as big
as 1053(10 to the power of 53) with specific names as early as 5000 BCE during
the Vedic period. Even today, the largest used number isTera 1012(10 to the
power of 12).
K. According to the Gemological Institute of America, up until 1896, India was the
only source for diamonds to the world.
L. USA based IEEE has proved what has been a century-old suspicion in the world
scientific community that the pioneer of Wireless communication was Prof.
Jagdeesh Bose and not Marconi.
M. The earliest reservoir and dam for irrigation was built in Saurashtra.
N. According to Saka King Rudradaman I of 150 CE a beautiful lake called
'Sudarshana' was constructed on the hills of Raivataka during Chandragupta
Maurya's time.
O. Chess (Shataranja or AshtaPada) was invented in India.
Page 15 of 37
P. Sushruta is the father of surgery. 2600 years ago he and health scientists of his
time conducted complicated surgeries like cesareans, cataract, artificial limbs,
fractures, urinary stones and even plastic surgery and brain surgery. Usage of
anesthesia was well known in ancient India. Over 125 surgical equipment were
used. Deep knowledge of anatomy, physiology, etiology, embryology, digestion,
metabolism, genetics and immunity is also found in many texts.
Q. When many cultures were only nomadic forest dwellers over 5000 years ago,
Indians established Harappan culture in Sindhu Valley(Indus Valley Civilization)
R. The place value system, the decimal system was developed in India in 100 BC.
QUOTES ABOUT INDIA
A. Albert Einstein said: We owe a lot to the Indians, who taught us how to count,
without which no worthwhile scientific discovery could have been made.
B. Mark Twain said: India is the cradle of the human race, the birthplace of human
speech, the mother of history, the grandmother of legend, and the great grand
mother of tradition. Our most valuable and most constructive materials in the
history of man are treasured up in India only.
C. French scholar Romain Rolland said: If there is one place on the face of earth
where all the dreams of living men have found a home from the very earliest days
when man began the dream of existence, it is India.
D. Hu Shih, former Ambassador of China to USA said: India conquered and
dominated China culturally for 20 centuries without ever having to send a single
soldier across her border. All the above is just the TIP of the iceberg, the list
could be endless.
SOME BLADE JOKES
Ramu : I've just become a member of Rotract Club.
Somu : public member or private?
Page 16 of 37
Ramu : Hey.. my submarine is not sinking into the water!! what could be
wrong?
Somu : may be u have used float instead of double in the software.
PS : Hey Bull, Can you do me a favor? Can you pass on these 500
rupees to Suthi..?
Bull : Sure.. why not? But tell me one thing. Tell me whether its pass by
value or pass by
reference.
PS : ???!!!
Ramu : I am very very sure that the guy who just talked to me is a
software engineer...
Somu : how do u say that?
Ramu : he asked my physical address instead of my home address!
Ramu : shhhh...I think the SW Engg who is sitting in the next cabin must
be a farmer before ...
Somu : How do u know...?
Ramu : he asked me today that is there a way to cultivate the bit fields..!!
Computer : Please sit over the hard disk to compress the files!
Computer : please pour Engine oil in the floppy drive to enhance the
performance of Search Engine.
Ramu : why people are beating that SW engg black and blue?
Somu : it seems, he asked one of them that whether "vante mataram" is
new kind of RAM in the
market!
Ramu : Hey.. I think that SW Engg is very very naive..
Somu : How do u say that?
Ramu : He believes that there is an Arabian Sea++ next to Arabin Sea.
Ramu : Hey.... whats time now?
Somu : System time or local time...??
Page 17 of 37
Ramu : Hey.. I have a problem. My system is not booting up!
Somu : may be, its internal buses are on strike.. check out!
Ramu : (while browsing the TV) what is this? I have heard of Star
Sports, Star Movies and Star P
Plus. Whats this Star Equals??? Is it a new Star Channel?
Somu : No. = operator has been overloaded in Star Channel.
Geetha : I think that SW Engg is very naive..
Seetha : how do u say that?
Geetha : He believes "Rascal" is a new version of Pascal!
Ramesh : Hey.. u know.. Micorsoft Visual C++ 5.0 has got everything...
The Developer Studio can
really do magic...
Umesh : Can we use that to develop the photo-negatives?
Ramu : why are u wiping ur terminal very often with a cloth?
Somu : clear command is not working properly for my terminal. that’s
why?
Babu : yesterday I bought a new TV whose terminal is compatible with
computer... but its audio
portion is not at all working :-
Gopu : may be its compatible only with dumb terminals???
Vani : We have shifted our home to Malleswaram now..
Soni : right shift or left shift??
Kannamma : do u have Design Specs for brinjal sambar?
Ponnamma : u mean recipe..?
Ramu : Somu, I am going to file a case against my landlord yaar. He's
harassing me too much.
Somu : What case? Upper Case or Lower Case or.......
Vanish : Hey.. why is that sardaarji inserting a cover into the floppy
drive?
Page 18 of 37
Bull : He wants to send an e-mail it seems!
Software DT in Heaven
Ramu : hey.. I couldn’t send a mail to Hell today... it says mail "demon" not
running...
Somu : ur case is better.. for me, it says "ghost not reachable" and
bounces back!
SOFTWARE HUSBAND
Husband : ( Returning late form work ) "Good evening Dear, I'm now
logged in."
Wife : Have you brought the ring ?
Husband : Bad command or filename.
Wife : But I told you in the morn...
Husband : Erroneous syntax.
Wife : What about my new blouse ?
Husband : Variable not found ...
Wife : At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do some shopping.
Husband : Sharing Violation. Access denied ...
Wife : Do you love me or do you only love computers or are you just being
funny ?
Husband : Too many parameters. Abort!...
Wife : It was a grave mistake that I married an idiot like you.
Husband : Data type mismatch.
Wife : You are a useless nut.
Husband : Default Parameter.
Wife : What about your Salary ?
Husband : Access denied. File in use...
Wife : Who was in the car this morning ?
Husband : System unstable. Press CTRL + ALT + DEL to Reboot
KANNADA MOVIES
A sample of Kannada movies produced by Kannada Software Engineers:
Page 19 of 37
• CHATsod tappa..?
• Ondu E-MAILina kathe
• A.S.P Sangilyana
• REDO raja
• UNDOnu maadida DELEToo maadida
• Muttinantha OFFER
• Naanu nanna PC
• DOLLLAR alegalu
• JAVAda Jodi
• CORBAna rani
• IT Hudugara kannu US myaage
• CHAT maadu Tamaashe Nodu
• Chalisuva BRAINugalu
• MAINFRAME Dhruvadim JAVA Dhruvaku
• Gadibidi ENGINEER
• Onde SYSTEMna MODULEgalu
• Baa Nalle Usge
• PROGRAMMERara Sawaal
• COMPANY COMPANY kathe
• Shri BILL GATES Mahime
• Bhakta SABIR Das
• INSPECTOR Narayana Murty
• Koodi CODING maadidare swarga sukha
• PMna avaantara
• Veera SYBASE Lakshman
• PMge takka PROGRAMMER
• MODEM Bazaar
• JDBC bale ( A 007 movie)
• Operation E-MAIL HACKER
• NIAGARA teeradalli
• HASIRU PATRA
• NEWJERSEY
• MICROSOFTna musuku
• JAVA nanna JAVA
• PREMJI kaanike
• LOGON Death
• Lady PROGRAMMER
• E-Preethse
Page 20 of 37
• Ondanondu COLLUMNnalli
• Eradu NETWORKgalu
• PB Ganda VB Hendthi
• BUGDevathe
• MS Mallige
• Messanger Muttanna
• Abachoorina INBOX
• CHATsu Tappenilla..!
• SYSTEMge Sawaal
• HACKERana Sanchu
• SILICON swapnagalu
• Nammur IT Parke
A FRIEND
A Friend....
(A)ccepts you as you are
(B)elieves in "you"
(C)alls you just to say "HI"
(D)oesn't give up on you
(E)nvisions the whole of you (even the unfinished parts)
(F)orgives your mistakes
(G)ives unconditionally
(H)elps you
(I)nvites you over
(J)ust "be" with you
(K)eeps you close at heart
(L)oves you for who you are
(M)akes a difference in your life
(N)ever Judges
(O)ffers support
(P)icks you up
(Q)uiets your fears
(R)aises your spirits
(S)ays nice things about you
(T)ells you the truth when you need to hear it
(U)nderstands you
Page 21 of 37
(V)alues you
(W)alks beside you
(X)-plains things you don't understand
(Y)ells when you won't listen and
(Z)aps you back to reality
ROBERT JOKES
Raabert : Baas, iss aadmi ne hamaare saath gaddaree kee hai..
Ajeet : Iss kuththe ki ek haath mein titan ki ghadi aur doosre haath mein
hmt ki ghadi
pehnaado.
Raabert : Lekin baas, yeh to gaddaar hai.
Ajeet : Hum jaante hain, raabert. Isko bathaana hai ki ab yeh do ghadi ka
mehmaan hai.
Raabert : Baas, Sona kahan hai? (Where is the gold?)
Ajeet : Saara beach hamaara hai. Kahi bhee so jao raabert.
Raabert and Ajeet are escaping in a boat and suddenly there's a hole in the boat and
water starts coming in. Raabert is anxious.
Raabert : Ab kya hoga baas...?
Ajeet : Ek aur hole kardo, Raabert...
Raabert : Ek aur hole..?!!
Ajeet : Ek hole pe 'IN' likh do aur doosre hole par 'OUT' likh do. Paani
IN mein aayega aur
OUT se baahar jaayega...
Ajeet : Is gaddaar ko shaampein mein dubaa do.
Raabert : Lekin kyon, baas?
Ajeet : 'Shame se' nahin to 'Pain' se mar jaayega...
Mona comes in with a proposal to get married
Mona : Baas, Humne Toni se shaadi karni hai
Ajeet : Mona yeh bilkul nahi ho sakta
Mona : Lekin baas, yeh kyon?
Ajeet : Mona, tumne agar Toni se shaadi ke to yahan bahut monatony ho
jaigi.
Mona goes ahead, gets married and has twin boys
Page 22 of 37
Raabert : Baas, Mona ke judwa ladkae hua hai.
Ajeet : Theek hai humne inke naam bhi soch liye pehle ka Peter aur
doosra Repeater
Later, Mona has twin girls
Raabert : Baas, Mona ke judwa ladkiya hua hai.
Ajeet : Theek hai humne inke naam bhi soch liye - pehli ka Kate aur doosri
DupliKate
Raabert : Baas, mein aaj kaam pe nahin aaoonga. Mujhe stomach ache
hai.
Ajeeth : Abay bavakoof ! Har kisi ko stomach ek hi hotha hai.
Ajeeth : Raabert, is gaddhar ko is duniya se aazad kar dho. Iski
laash ko Police Estation
ke saamne phenk dho. Aur is ke side mein ek suyi bhonk dho.
Raabert : Lekin baas side mein suyi kyon ?
Ajeeth : Thake Police samjhe ki ye suyiside hai.
Raabert : Baas meri beevi ko theen ladke payida ho gaye hai. Mein
inka naam kya rakhoon
Ajeeth : Phele ka naam Peter rakho, dusre ka naam Repeater rakho
aur theesre ka naam
Chin Chin Choo rakhko.
Raabert : Lekin baas thesre ka naam Chin Chin Choo kyon ?
Ajeeth : Are bevakoof, woh isliye ke duniya mein har theesra
bachha Chinese hotha hai.
Mickey Mouse : Ajit, Muzhe Ramayan padhnee hai.
Ajeet : Raabert, isse wall peh chipka do
Raabert : yeh kyon baas?
Ajeet : Taaki yeh waal-mickey kehlaygaa aur usse Ramayan apne aap
samazh me
ayegee!
Scene: Ajit murders a man.
Ajeet : Raabert, Is aadmi ko Hero Honda ki tank mein dal do.
Raabert : kyon baas?
Ajeet : Fill it,shut it,forget it!
Page 23 of 37
Boss : Raabert!
Rab : Yes, bass?
Boss : Yeh "bus" mei kuch hawa daal do.
Rab : Lekin, kyon bass?
Boss : Yeh bus "Airbus" ban jayega.
Robert : boss, China se Mr. Hu aayee hain.
Ajit : Goli maar do. Hu mar jaane par humor ban ke sab ko hasaayenge.
Scene: Ajeet thouroughly disgusted with Mona da..arrling's typing.
Ajeet : Raaberrt, Mona ke dono hathon ko kaat do.
Raabert : Magar kyoon baas?
Ajeet : Typing to nahi atee, kamsekam shaarthand to seekh legi.
Ajeet : Raabert, in kutton ke saamne yeh Compooter laga do aur debugger
starrt kar do.
Raabert : Lekin kyoon, baas?
Ajeet : Saale Checkpoint mein atak jayenge.
Ajeet : Raabert, Test Match mein kyaa ho raha hai ?
Raabert : Boss, Vivian Richards chhakke pe chhakka maar raha hai.
Ajeet : Saaleh ko sabak sikhana padega. Lunch break mein usse phone
milana.
Raabert : Yes Boss.
Ajeet: : (on phone, to Richards): Veeveeyun Reechards, tumhari Maa
hamare kabze mein
hai .......
Scene: Giving a decision as to how the hero should be killed.
Ajeet :Peter, time bomb le aao aur is saale ko usse bandh do.Timer ko teek das bajhe
set kar do. Nahin nahin, yeh saala to sub cheez hamesha late karta hai. Iska mauth
bhi late hona chahiye.
Timer ko panch minute late rakh do. Arre, Raabert, Raabert, bevkoof, silly fellow,
time bomb ko yahan peh math rakho, yeh to 'no-smoking' area hai. Ha haa ha. Time
bomb 'tic tic tic tic' karke bajega. Aur iska dil 'tup tup tup' karke dhatakega. Tum
agar paas me khade hoge to tumko 'tic tup tic tup tic tup' suanaai dega"
Page 24 of 37
Ajeet : Rabert! isko eraser se maar do, yeh mar bhi jayega aur mit bhi
jayega
Raabert : Boss! Aaap ko kaun si teen chiz sabse jahyahda pasand hein
boss?
Ajeet : Ek Mona, Doosra Sona, aur Tisra, Mona ke saath Sona
Peter : Boss? Sona kahan hei?
Ajeet : Tum chahe jahan bhi sona, lekin mujhe to Mona darling ke saath
sona!
Scene: Ajeet spots one of his is enemies...
Ajeet : Maikal, woh jo admi ghadi pahne tumhe nazar aarahaa hai, who
hamara mehman
hai. Tum ja kar uske doosre hath mein bhee gadhi pahna do...phir
woh do ghadi ka
mehman ho jayega !
Scene: Ajeet is escaping with his men in a helicopter...
Ajeet : Kuch hee der mein hamara helicopter hindustan ki sarhadon ke
pare door
birmingham mein hoga. Wahaan tumhe ek kaale rang ki sioorlett
(cheverlett) nazar
aayegi. Wo tumhe signal degee...on..off..on..off
Raabert : Boss..hamara signal kya hoga ?
Ajeet : bewkoof...off..on..off..on...
Raabert : Boss? Is kaa kyaa kare boss?
Ajeet : Rawbert! Is pille ko liquid oxygen me daal do. Liquid ise jeene nahi
dega, aur
oxygen ise marne nahi dega.
Peter : Boss is saale ka kya karen ?
Ajeet : Ise microprocessor mein daal do...BIT by BIT marega !
Robert : aur boss..iska kya karen ?
Ajeet : Ise hamlet poison khilado...sochta rahega, to be or not to be
!
Page 25 of 37
Scene: Ajeet ordering his chela to kill the enemy
Ajeet : "Raabert, Ise varnish mein daal do, saala mar bhi jaayega aur
finish bhi aa jaayegi.
Bob : Boss, mission par kaise jaaoon, mujhe headek ho raha hai.
Ajeet : Abe head ek ho ya do, kaam to karna hi padegak.!
Scene: Ajeet ordering his chela to kill the enemy
Ajeet : "Raabert, Isss Haramzaade ko social security pe daal doo Saale ko
Society jeene
nahin degea aur security isse marne nahin degea.
Scene: Ajeet is worried about something. Robert is facing him.
Ajeet : Shanker kaal bahuth bada maal Versova beach per aane wala
hain.....
A pause..... Tum chootti le lo.
Ajeet : Raabert, is bail kaa stool test karo.
Raabert : Stool, boss ?
Ajeet : Aakhir pataa chale ki ye bullshit kya cheez hai.
AMERICANIZATION
u don't open a telephone conversation with a HELLO but with a "Hi"
The telephone is never "engaged", it's always "busy".
U don't "disconnect" a phone, U simply "hang-up".
U never "mess-up" things, U only "screw them up".
U never have a "residence" tel. no., U have a "home" no.
U don't stop at the "signals", but halt at the "lights".
U don't "accelerate", U "step on the gas".
Your tire never "punctures", U may have a "flat".
The trains have "coaches" or "boggies' no more but "carriages" or "boxes".
There R no "petrol pumps", but "gas stations".
"I don't know nothing", 2 negatives don't make a positive here.
U no longer meet a "wonderful" person, U meet a "cool" guy
U don't pull the switch down to light a bulb,rather flick it up.
Page 26 of 37
There's no "Business Area" only "business districts", and no "districts" but
"counties".
No one stays "a stone's throw away", might"a few blocks away".
There's no "Town Side", it's "Down Town".
In hotel U no longer ask for "bill" and pay by "cheque", rather ask for "check" and
pay with (Dollar) "bill"s.
There R no "soft drinks", only "sodas".
Life's no longer "miserable" it "stinks".
U don't have a "great" time, U have a "ball".
U don't "sweat it out", U "work U'r butt off".
Never "post" a letter, always "mail" it and "glue" the stamps, don't "stick" them.
U no longer live in "flats" or "blocks", find an "apartment".
U don't stand in a "queue", you are in a "line".
U no longer "like" something, U "appreciate" it.
"#" is not "hash", it's "pound".
U R not "deaf", U have "impaired hearing".
U R not "lunatic", U are just "mentally challenged".
U R not "disgusting" U R "sick".
U can't get "surprised" U get "zapped".
U don't "schedule" a meeting, U "skejule" it.
U never "joke", U just "kid".
U never "increase" the pressure, U always "crank" it up.
U never ask for a pencil "rubber" U ask for an eraser. a rubber is a condom
U don't try to find a lift U find an elevator.
U no more ask for a route but for a "RAUT"
U don't ask somebody "How r u ?", U say "What's up dude?"
U never go to see a game U go to watch a game.
If U see "World" champions(or Series),read "USA"champions(or Series).
There's no "zero" but "o", no "Z" but "zee".
There's no FULL STOP after a statement, there's a PERIOD.
If someone gets angry at U, U get "flamed".
You don't say "How do you do", you say "How you doin"
In short U don't speak English, U speak American.
Well u dont' say life is boring u say LIFE SUCKS !!!!!
ARCHER
Page 27 of 37
A duke was hunting in the forest with his men-at-arms and servants; he came across
a tree. Upon it, archery targets were painted and smack in the middle of each was an
arrow.
"Who is this incredibly fine archer?" cried the duke. "I must find him!"
After continuing through the forest for a few miles he came across a small boy
carrying a bow and arrow. Eventually the boy admitted that it was he who shot the
arrows plumb in the center of all the targets.
"You didn't just walk up to the targets and hammer the arrows into the middle, did
you?" asked the duke worriedly.
"No my lord. I shot them from a hundred paces. I swear it by all that I hold holy."
"That is truly astonishing," said the duke. "I hereby admit you into my service." The
boy thanked him profusely.
"But I must ask one favor in return," the duke continued. "You must tell me how you
came to be such an outstanding shot."
"Well," said the boy, "first I fire the arrow at the tree, and then I paint the target
around it."
A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA
to NY. The lawyer leans over to
her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants
to take a nap, so she
politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer
persists, saying that the game is
really easy and a lot of fun. He explains how the game works: "I ask you a question,
and if you don't
know the answer, you pay me, and visa versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to
get some sleep. The chauvinistic lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he
will easily win the match, so he makes another
offer: "Okay, how about this "If you don't know the answer you pay me only $5, but
if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50."
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this
torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first
question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill, and
hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three
legs, and comes down with four?"
Page 28 of 37
The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and
searches all his references. He taps into the Air phone with his modem and searches
the Net and even the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers
and friends he knows. All to no avail.
After over an hour, of searching for the answer he finally gives up. He wakes the
blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get
back to sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little frustrated, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so
what IS the answer?"
Again without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and
goes back to sleep.
REST IN PEACE
A new business was opening, and a long-time friend of the owner decided to send
flowers for the occasion. He arrived
at the "grand opening", accepted a glass of champagne and a warm handshake from
his host, then browsed about the room examining the many floral arrangements and
potted plants. Finally, he happened upon his own offering, only to find an attached
card bearing this sentiment: "Rest in Peace"
Embarrassed and irate at the florist's error, he phoned to lodge a complaint. After
venting his anger in a lengthy tirade, he waited impatiently for the florist's
explanation. "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting
angry....imagine this: Somewhere a funeral is taking place today, and they have a
lovely floral spray with an attached note saying: Congratulations on your new
location!"
Perplexing Paradox No. 1
A crocodile caught a kid and when kid's mother came for rescue, crocodile posed her
a question - 'U can make a statement. If you speak the truth in it, i will return your
kid . Otherwise i will eat him.' And the mother agreed.
The clever mother made the statement - "You will eat my kid'. Now, the crocodile is
in a dilemma of what to do.
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Perplexing paradox No. 2
A king caught the bandit chief and before punishing , offered him a statement. The
king said ' You can make a statement. If you say the truth in it, you will be shot and
if not you will be hanged ' . The clever bandit chief replied ' I will be hanged'. The
king got into a dilemma of what to do.
Perplexing Paradox No. 3
Few centuries ago, a Law teacher came across a student who was willing to learn but
was unable to pay the fee. The student struck a deal saying ' I would pay your fee
the day i win my first case in the court'.
Teacher agreed and proceeded with the law course.
When the course was finished and teacher started pestering the student to pay up
the fee, student reminded the deal and pushed days. Fed up with this, the teacher
decided to sue the student in the court of law and both of them decided to argue for
themselves.
The teacher put forward his argument saying : " If i win this case, as per the court
of law, student has to pay me.
And if i lose the case, student will still pay me because he would have won his first
case. So either way i will have to get the money ".
Equally brilliant student argued back saying : "If i win the case, as per the court of
law, i don't have to pay
anything to the teacher. And if i lose the case, i don't have to pay him because i
haven't won my first case yet. So either way, i am not going to pay the teacher
anything ".
Blonde Joke
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of
Bakersfield, a woman, who happened to be blonde, and new to boating was having a
problem. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't get her brand new 22-ft
Bayliner to perform. It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it was very sluggish in
almost every maneuver, no matter how much power she applied.
Page 30 of 37
After about an hour of trying to make it go, she putted over to a nearby marina.
Maybe they could tell her what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed
everything was in perfect working order. The engine was fine, the outdrive went up
and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch.
So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up
choking on water, he was laughing so hard. Under the boat, still strapped securely in
place, was the trailer.
TRAVELLERS SUBJECT
Here are some signs and notices written in English that were discovered throughout
the world. You have to give the writers an 'E' for Effort.
.
In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person
to do such thing is please not to read notis.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time
we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the
hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the
chambermaid.
In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are
welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists,
and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers here for best results.
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A sign posted in Germany's Black forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest
camping site that people
of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they
are married with each other for that purpose.
In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite
sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest
Methodists.
In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a
good time.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we
guarantee no miscarriages.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass?
In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as
a man.
In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
In a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give
it to the guard on duty.
In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases.
In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control
yourself..
Page 32 of 37
CAR RIDE
A guy is standing at a bus stop in the pouring rain with no coat or umbrella, when a
car slides up to the kerb and stops beside him. Thinking he has just been offered a
lift he opens the door and gets in relieved to be out of the wet. "Thanks pal I
thought I would never......" he looks across at the driver and there is no one in the
seat. Next thing the car moves off silently and for the next four miles it stops at
every red light, obeys every traffic law and finally comes to a stop at the top of the
road where the guy lives - he is by now is in a severe state of shock and anxiety and
the only reason he has not jumped from the car en-route is because it was travelling
so slowly that he knew he could get out at any time if something unearthly happened.
Anyway it was going his way and keeping him dry! Now it is stopped at the kerb again
just up the street from where he lives and the guy gets out, closes the door and as
he turns to head off home he bumps into another guy who is going to get into the car.
"Hey buddy I would not get in that car if I were you there's something weird about
it" "Yeah, I know" says the second guy " But I've just pushed it four miles and I
really need the rest".
TALK BETWEEN IT GUY AND A LABOURER
IT guy - (Asks worker) What do you have?
Daily Wage Construction Worker - .......stays * quite*
IT guy - I have Money, Name, Stock Options What do
you have?
Daily Wage Construction Worker - (Softly) I have work.
DIARY
Monday: Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home, it's fun to cook for
Bob. Today I made an
angel food cake and the recipe said, "Beat 12 eggs separately." Well, I didn't have
enough bowls to do that,
so I had to borrow enough bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine.
Tuesday: We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, serve without
dressing." So I didn't dress. But, Bob happened to bring a friend home for supper
that night. Did they ever look startled when I served the salad.
Page 33 of 37
Wednesday: I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, "Wash thoroughly
before steaming the rice."So I heated some water and took a bath before steaming
the rice. Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the week. I can't say it improved the
rice any.
Thursday: Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, "Prepare
ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving." I hunted all over
the garden by my mom's. So I tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over
there one hour so the dog would not take it. Bob came over and asked if I felt all
right. I wonder why?
Friday: Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "Put all ingredients in a
bowl and beat it." Beat it I did, right over to my mom's house. There must have been
something wrong with the recipe, because when I came back home again it looked the
same as when I left it.
Saturday: Bob went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to
dress it for Sunday. I'm sure I don't know how hens dress for Sunday. I never
noticed back on the farm, but I found a doll dress and some little shoes. I thought
the hen looked real cute. When Bob saw it, I wondered why he counted to 10.
Sunday: Today Bob's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast, but all we had in
the icebox, was hamburger. So I put it in the oven and set the controls for roast.
Must be the oven, because it still came out hamburger.
Good night, Dear Diary. This has been an exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to
come, so I can try a new recipe on Bob.
Discrimination
On a British Airways flight from Johannesburg a middle-aged, white South African
Lady found herself sitting next to a black man. She called the cabin crew attendant
over to complain about her seating. "What seems to be the problem Madam?" asked
the attendant. "Can't you see?" she said " You've sat me next to a kaffir. "I can't
possibly sit next to this disgusting human. Find me another seat!" "Please calm down
Madam." the stewardess replied. "The flight is very full today, but I'll tell you what
I'll do-I'll go and check to see if we have any seats available in club or first class."
Page 34 of 37
The woman cocks a snooty look at the outraged black man beside her (not to mention
many of the surrounding passengers).
A few minutes later the stewardess returns with the good news, which she delivers
to the lady, who cannot help but look at the people around her with a smug and self
satisfied grin: "Madam, unfortunately, as I suspected, economy is full. I've spoken to
the cabin services director, and club is also full. However, we do have one seat in
first class." Before the lady has a chance to answer, the stewardess continues ... "It
is most extraordinary to make this kind of upgrade, however, and I have had to get
special permission from the captain. But, given the circumstances, the captain felt
that it was outrageous that someone be forced to sit next to such an obnoxious
person." With that, she turned to the black man sitting next to the woman, and said:
"So if you'd like to get your things, sir, I have 1st class seat ready for you..." At
which point, apparently the surrounding passengers stood and gave a standing ovation
while the black guy walked up to the front of the plane.
DIVER
One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 ft below sea level. He noticed a
guy at the same depth he was, but he had on no scuba gear whatsoever. The diver
went below another 20 ft but the guy joined him a few minutes later. The diver went
below 25 ft, but minutes later, the same guy joined him. This confused the diver, so
he took out a waterproof chalk-and-board set, and wrote, "How the hell are you able
to stay under this deep without equipment?" The guy took the board and chalk,
erased what the diver had written, and wrote, "I'M DROWNING, YOU MORON!!!"
INTERVIEW
Subj: electrical engg
People come up with peculiar or funny answers in interviews or exams:
Interviewer: Why is a thicker conductor necessary to carry a current in A.C. as
compared to D.C. ?
Candidate: An AC current goes up and down (drawing a sinusoid) and requires more
space inside the wire, so the wire has to be thicker.
Interviewer: How will you tell if that wall outlet carries AC or DC ?
Candidate: I will put my finger in. If it is pushed away, it is DC. If it gets stuck, it
was AC.
Page 35 of 37
Interviewer: How will you reverse direction of an induction motor?
Candidate: I will remove the four bolts at the base, turn the motor around, and put
back the bolts.
Interviewer: How do you start a synchronous motor?
Candidate: Vrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (in rising pitch)
Interviewer: Stop! Stop!
Candidate: rrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (in falling pitch)
Interviewer: How do you limit surge current within an integrated circuit?
Candidate: By using a miniature circuit breaker.
External (to student) : " Why does a capacitor block DC but allow AC to pass through
?
Student: See, a capacitor is like this --- --- , OK. DC Comes straight, like this -----
-----, and the capacitor stops it. But AC,goes UP, DOWN, Up DOWN and jumps right
over the capacitor!"
Examiner : "What is a step-up transformer?"
Student : "A transformer that is put on top of electric poles."
Examiner (smiling): "And then what is a step-down transformer?"
Student (hesitantly):"Uh - A transfomer that is put in the basement or in a pit?"
Examiner (pouncing): "Then what do you call a transformer that is installed on the
ground?"
(student knows he is caught -- can't answer)
Examiner (impatiently): "Well?"
Student (triumphantly): "A stepless transformer, sir!"
Elephant in a Bar
A man walks into a tavern and sees an elephant sitting at the bar with a large bowl of
cash placed in front of him. He walks up to the bar and the bartender explains " The
first person who can make the elephant laugh will win the $10,000 in the jar. " The
man casually walks up to the elephant and whispers something into his ear. All of the
sudden, the elephant starts laughing hysterically with his ears flapping and his trunk
bouncing up and down on the bar knocking over drink glasses. "I don't know what you
whispered, " said the bartender, :but here is your $10,000."
Page 36 of 37
A few weeks later, the same man entered the tavern and again saw the elephant at
the bar, only this time with a bowl of $20,000 in front of him. The bartender came
up to him and said, "Last time you were able to make him laugh, but I doubt you can
win this prize by making him cry." The man then walked over to the elephant and
stood directly in front of him so they were barely a few inches apart. The elephant
immediately started bawling, crying uncontrollably with his giant tears filling
nearby beer mugs.
The bartender gave the man his $20,000 prize but asked him. "What on earth did
you say to make the elephant first laugh and then cry?" "The first time", said the
man, " I told him that mine was bigger
than his" "The second time, " he continued, "I showed him"
Blonde Blitz....
A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a blonde gathering, and his hostess naturally
broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling
me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who
appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple
question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you
on the track." "What sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook
made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' The
blonde thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to
have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."
DHABA
Kakey da dhaaba (in London) has evoked another anecdote on cheap eating places. An
Indian abroad ran out of foreign exchange and went looking for the cheapest eating
place in town. He located an Indian restaurant and went in. He found three sections:
'European, Chinese, and Indian' He went into the Indian. It was divided into two:
Vegeterian and non-vegetarian. He went into the vegetarian which was further
divided into pure ghee and vanaspati. He went to the vanaspati section and found yet
another division: Cash or credit. Cheered at the prospect of not having to pay in
foreign exchange he opted for the
Credit section. When he got to it he found the sign: "Exit: get out."
Page 37 of 37
BEER TEST
Warning: Beer Contains Female Hormones
Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested that men should take a look at
their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed
the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that drinking beer makes
men turn into women. To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without
making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally,
argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is
planned.
* Three Engines Fifteen minutes into the flight from Mankuwa City to
Sukhpur city, the
captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed..
There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than
scheduled, but we still have three engines left." Thirty minutes later the
captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an
additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two
engines." An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed
and our arrival will be delayed another three hours.But don't worry ... we
still have one engine left." A sardarji passenger turned to the man in the
next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all
day!"
* Detective Job Three men were applying for the same job as a
detective. One was a Sardarji, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. The
chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision
upon that answer. When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief
asked him, "Who killed Jesus Christ?" The Jewish man answered without
hesitation. "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left. When
the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the Same
question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief
thanked the man who then left. Finally the Sardarji arrived for his
interview, he was asked the same question. He thought for a long time,
before saying,"Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief
said,"OK, but get back to me tomorrow." When the Sardarji arrived home, his
wife asked "How was the interview ?". Sardarji replied, "Great, I got the
job, and I'm already investigating a murder.
* Guooonn, Guooonn Talking about those days when there were no
mosquito repellents and we had to spend sleepless nights. Sardarji was also
experiencing the same every time. he tries to sleep,one mosquito comes and
disturbs his sleep with a sound "guooonn, guooonn." He gets very irritated.
He tries to cover his ear but the problem remains persistent. Ultimately he
gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand. He is very kind and not for
the blood shed but still wanted to take revenge. Happy as he is now starts
singing a lullaby and says "so ja machchar, bete so ja". After some time he
finds the mosquito falling into deep sleep in his hands. So he goes near it
and says "Guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn."
* Urine Test Two sardarjis were sitting outside a clinic. One of them
was crying like anything. So the other asked,"Why are you crying?" The first
one replied, "I came here for blood test" Second one asked," So? Are you
afraid?" First one replied,"No, not that. During the blood test they cut my
finger" Hearing this the second one started crying. The first one was
astonished and asked other, "Why are you crying?" The other replied, "I have
come for my urine test."
* Bihari-Sardar A Bihari was waiting for his bus at the bus stop.
Finally the bus arrives and he gets in. The bus is fully loaded with
sardarjis. One sardarji orders Bihari to tell a joke. Now, the Bihari thinks
he's in big trouble because he knows only sardar jokes! After thinking for
some time he decides to substitute all references to 'sardars' in his joke
with 'Biharis'. He starts the jokes with, "There was once a Bihari..." And
suddenly he gets a major blow on his back from one of the sardarjis who
shouts, "Kyon be! Sab sardar mar gaye hai kya?"
* Wrong Answer Santa Singh applied for an engineering position at
DEMAN CONSTRUCTION office in Amritsar. Reddy from Chennai applied for the
same job and both
applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the
Department manager Mr. Arvin Singh. Upon completion of the test, the results
showed that both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to
Santa and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the
job to Reddy". Santa: And why would you be doing that? We both got 9
questions correct. This being Punjab I should get the job!" Manager: "We
have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the one question
that you got wrong. "Santa: "And just how would one incorrect answer be
better than the other?" Manager: "Simple, for the question that both of you
got wrong, Reddy put down 'I don't know' as the answer. And you wrote
'Neither do I'!"
* Road to Station Sardarji praising his son who is a Civil engineer,
who just laid a road near his house. "Wow! This is terrific! Look at the job
he has done! The distance from my house to the railway station is the same
as the railway station to my house!!!!!!!!"
* Green TV Sardarji is buying a TV. "Do you have colour TVs?" "Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."
* Just a second Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to
fly to Amritsar?" "Just a sec," says the receptionist. "Thank you." says the
Sardar and hangs up.
* Salary Expected Sardarji is filling up a job application. He
promptly fills in the lines on NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc. Then came the column
SALARY EXPECTED. After much thought he writes: Yes.
* Crocodile Boots Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes, if you
bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears.
Finally they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one.
He walks over the reptile, checks its legs, angrily exclaims: "71st and
*again* barefoot!"
* Thermos Flask Sardarji goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He
asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, "That is a
Thermos flask." The Sardar asks, "What does it do?" The clerk responds,
"Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The Sardar says, "I'll take
it!" The next day, he walks into work with his new Thermos. His Sardar boss
sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?" He said, "It's a
Thermos flask." The boss asks, "What does it do?" He replies, "Keeps hot
things hot and cold things cold." The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in
it?" The Sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
* Answering Machine Sardarji fixed an answering machine at home. Two
days later he disconnected it because he was getting complaints like "Saala
phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai."
* Photocopies What does Sardarji do after taking photocopies? He
compares it with the original for spelling mistakes.
* Photocopy What does Sardarji do when he has one white sheet and
wants an extra sheet? He makes a photocopy of the white sheet.
* Free Punjab There was a meeting of all the Sardar freedom fighters.
They were planning for a free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a point,
"Oh...we'll take Punjab from India but how would we develop it?" That was a
tough one indeed. Banta Singh had a brainwave... "No problem! We'll attack
Amrika, it would take over us and then we would become a State of USA and
develop automatically." All the surds became happy with this very simple
solution but an old surd was not. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy. The
old surd replied, "THAT'S ALL VERY WELL... WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE
TOOK OVER AMRIKA???"
* Small TV Sardarji went to the appliance store sale and found a
bargain. "I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman. "Sorry,
we don't sell to Sardars," he replied. He hurried home removed his turban
and changed his hair style, and returned to tell the salesman "I would like
to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied.
"Damn, he recognised me," he thought. He went for a complete disguise this
time, haircut, new hair colour, new outfit, big sunglasses, waited a few
days, saw the salesman again. "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we
don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
Frustrated, he exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a Sardar?" "Because that's a
microwave," he replied.
* Below 18 Why did 18 Sardars go to a movie? Because below 18 was not
allowed.
* Sardarji's Intelligence How do you measure Sardarji's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear.
* Hand Grenade What do you do when Sardarji throws a hand grenade at
you? Pull the pin and throw it back.
* Hand Grenade-2 What do you do when Sardarji throws a pin at you? Run
like crazy...he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
* Joke On Wednesday How do you make Sardarji laugh on Saturday? Tell
him a joke on Wednesday.
* Hands over ear What was Sardarji doing when he held his hands
tightly over his ears? He was trying to hold on to a thought.
* Retrain Why does Sardarji work seven days a week? So you don't have
to retrain him on Monday.
* Ice Cubes Why can't Sardarji make ice cubes? He always forget the
recipe.
* Kill The Bird How did Sardarji try to kill the bird? He threw it off
a cliff.
* A wind tunnel
What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.
* Back Of Head
What do you see when you look into Sardarji's eyes?
The back of his head.
* Lightning
Why does Sardarji always smile when a lightning blazes?
He thinks his picture is being shot.
* Shoes
Why does Sardarji have TGIF written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.
* Fax
How can you tell when Sardarji sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.
* Second One
Why can't Sardarji dial 911?
He can't find the Second 1 on the dial.
* Dead Bird
"Oh, look at the dead bird."
Sardarji looked skyward and asked, "Where, Where?
* Smart Sardars and UFOs
What do smart Sardars and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.
* Sardar Snowman
Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman than a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.
* 8 kms a Day
The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran 8 kms a day for 300 days, he would
loose 34 kg
At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the
weight, but he had a problem. "What's the problem?" asked the doctor.
"I'm 2400 kms from home.
* Jurassic Park
Sardarji goes to see The Jurassic Park.
When the Dinosaurs start approaching he cowers in his seat.
His friend asks him,"Kyun Sardarji, kya baat hai?
Dar kyun lag raha hai? Cinema hi to hai."
Sardarji replies, "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai,pata hai ki cinema hai,
lekin woh to janwar hai, usko kya pata."
* Suicide
Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks...
takes along some wine and chicken with him.
Somebody stops him and asks,
"Kyon bhai ye sab kyun leke baithe ho?"
Sardarji replies, "Saali train late aati hai
kahin bhook se na marjaun.."
* 20 Rupees
Sardarji is travelling by train.
He feels sleepy, so he gives the guy opposite 20 rupees to wake him up when
his station comes.
This guy is a barber. He feels that for 20 rupees Sardarji deserves more.
So, when Sardarji falls asleep, the barber quietly shaves off his beard.
When the station arrives, he wakes up Sardarji and sends him home.
Reaching home, he goes to wash his face, and suddenly screams when he sees
the mirror.
Sardarni asks, "What's the matter?"
"The cheat on the train takes my 20 rupees and wakes up someone else!"
* Donkey
Having lost his donkey Sardarji, got down
to his knees and thanked God.
A passerby saw this and asked,
"Your donkey is missing. What are you thanking God for?"
Sardarji replied, "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that
I wasn't riding the donkey at that time,
otherwise I would have been missing too."
* Chinese
Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills the birth certificate. "Mother: Sikh.
Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese." "How come you write "Chinese" when both parents
are Sikh?" "
Aah, Sardarji read a newspaper, it said every 4th person born on the Earth
now is a Chinese."
* Rubi, Moti and Sardarji
Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and Sardarji were sent to the outer space.
The ground control issues commands, "Rubi!"
"Woof!" (barking sound ) "Press the red button." "Woof! Woof!"
"Moti!" "Woof!" "Press the white button." "Woof! Woof!"
"Sardarji!" "Woof." "Stop barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything!"
* Clock Tower
Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower when
someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower. Sardarji says
"Yes".
"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the
thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji
figured he was taken for a ride. On the next day the Sardarji is again
walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock.
"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."
The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says I am not a fool. This time, you
wait and I'll go get a ladder."
* Driver
Santa and Banta Singhs landed up in Bombay and got into a doubledecker.
Santa somehow managed to get a bottom seat in the bus. Unfortunate Banta got
pushed to the top. When the rush was over, Santa went upstairs to look up
Banta, found Banta in badly scared, clutching the seats in front with both
hands.
Santa asked, "Arre Banta! What's going on? Why so scared?
I was enjoying my ride down there? Scared Banta replied, "Yeah, but you've
got a *driver*."
* Called Again
Santa with two red ears went to see his doctor. The doctor asked him what
had happened to his ears. "I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang.
Instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck
it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But...what happened to your
other ear?"
"The scoundrel called again."
* 31 Years Old
Bantu returns from his first day at school and immediately questions
hisfather.
"Dad, today we had a Spelling Class - All the other kids could only say half
the alphabet, but I knew the whole thing. Is that because I am Sardar?"
"No son, that's because you are intelligent. "
Bantu seeming content with the answer, asks his father another question,
"Dad, today we had Math class - All the other kids could only count from
1-10, I could count from 1 to 20. Is this because I am Sardar ??"
"No son, that's because you are intelligent," replies his father.
Happy with the answer, Bantu poses another question to his father,
"Dad,today we had Medical Examination, all the other boys were shorter than
me, I was atleast twice their height. Is that because I am Sardar ??"
The father replies, "No son, that's because you are 31 years old.
* Oxygen Tube
Santa Singh was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent for his
friend Banta. As Banta singh stood beside the bed, Santa Singh's frail
condition grew worse, and he motioned frantically for something to write on.
Banta singh lovingly handed him a pen and piece of paper,and Santa used his
last ounce of strength to scribble a note. Then he died.Banta singh thought
it best not to look at the note just then, so he slipped it into his jacket
pocket.
Several days later, at the funeral, Banta singh was visting Santa's family.
He realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he'd worn the day Santa
died. "You know," he said, "Santa handed me a note just before he died. I
haven't read it, but
knowing Santa, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all.". He
unfolded the note and read aloud, "You're standing on my oxygen tube!"
* Thought
Banta Singh finished his English exam and came out.
His friends asked him how he had fared. He replied, "Exam was okay, except
for the past tense of 'think'. I thought, thought, thought and at last, I
wrote 'thunk'!"
* Bet On Highlights
Santa told Banta, "I bet that India would win against Pakistan and lost Rs
1,000." Banta exclaimed: "Yaar, you bet Rs 1,000 for a single match?" Santa
replied:
"Nahi yaar, I bet Rs 500 on that match." Banta asked: "So, what happened to
the other Rs 500?" Santa repied: "Chad yaar, I bet on the highlights too."
* Train Driver
A train suddenly deviated from the tracks and ran onto the nearby fields
before returning on the tracks again. The passengers were horrified at this.
At the
next railway station, the driver was caught and questioned. He was a sardar
and explained that a man was standing on the tracks and he refused to budge.
The authorities asked him, "Sardarji, are you mad? Just to save one person,
you put so many lives in danger. You should have overrun that person." The
sardar replied: "Exactly, that is what I was doing, but this idiot started
running towards the field when the train came very close."
* House on Fire
Once a building caught fire and two guys and a sardar were trapped in the
balcony. On the ground, fire fighters caught hold of a net and asked them to
jump.
The first one jumped but the fire fighters removed the net and he was
killed. Then the other guy was asked to jump and again they removed the net
too soon and he
was dead. Seeing all this, the sardar was furious and said: "You keep the
net on the ground and get away from it. I don't trust you.
* Cellular Phone
A sardar is in a bar and his cellular phone rings, so he picks it up and
says
" Hello, how did you know I was here?"
* Secret Agents
Why are sardar secret agents the best in the world? Because even under
torture they can't remember what they have been assigned to.
* Checkbook
Did you hear about the sardar who signed all his checks so no one Else
could write in his checkbook other than him if he lost his checkbook?
* Two Coats
Banta Singh was painting his living room one hot day.
His friend Santa Singh asked him, "Why, are you wearing two jackets?".
"Because," said Banta Singh, "The directions on the can said to put on two
coats."
* White Lines
A sardar was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a
highway.
On his first day he painted six miles; the next day three miles; the
following day less than a mile.
Then the foreman asked the sardar why he kept painting less each day, he
replied "I just can't do any better. Each day I keep getting farther away
from the paint can."
* Empty Bottles
Why does a Sardar keep empty beer bottles in his fridge?
They're there for those who don't drink.
* Lunch Box
Why do sardars have see-through lunch box lids?
So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or
coming
home.
* Think
A sardar's response to the comment, "THINK about it!": "I don't have
to think-I'm sardar!"
* Window
A sardar, a japanese, and a britisher were lost in the desert. They were
driving around in a Jeep when it broke down, because they had nothing else
they decided to each take a piece of the Jeep as they continued their
journey.
The japanese took the radiator, the britisher took the seat, and the sardar
took the door. After a while of walking the britisher asked the japanese
"I'm confused,
why did you bring the radiator?" The japanese responded, "If I get thirsty,I
can
drink the fluid." Next the sardar asked the britisher "Why did you bring
the seat?" So the britisher said "If I get tired,I am not going to sit on
the
sand. I can sit on this comfortable seat." Finally the japanese asked the
sardar why he had chosen the door. The sardar quickly responded to this
question, "Well,when I shall feel the need to get some breeze in this summer
all have to do is roll down the window."
* Magic Lamp
A sardar, a japanese, and a britisher were shipwrecked on a deserted
island. One day they came upon an old lamp buried in the sand.
As they brushed the sand from the lamp a Genie appeared and said I'll
give each of you one wish." The japanese said "I wish I was home!" PUFF and
he was gone! The britisher said "I wish I was home!" PUFF and he too
was gone. The sardar said "Boy is it lonely here! I wish my friends were
back!"
* Sheep & Dog
A sardar was tired of being sardar and constantly being the subject of all
those dumb sardar jokes. He finally cut his hair. He decided to take a drive
through the country to celebrate his new life. Going past a field of sheep
(he loved sheep) he stopped and asked the farmer "If i can guess how many
sheep in your flock, can I have one?" The farmer laughed and said "Sure,
Sir"
He gazed out for a few seconds and said "There's 1,973 sheep" The farmer
said with amazement "Your're right! Go and pick one out". On his way back to
his car he was stopped by the farmer yelling "Hey Sir! If I can guess your
real identity can I have my dog back?"
* Ban Sardarji jokes
Desh mein badthi hui sardarji jokes dekh kar Santa aur Banta chintith ho
jate hain.. Dono milkar Bhatinda mein Akhil Bharatiya Sardarji Sammelan ka
ayojan kartein hain.. Sammelan ka muddha hai .:"Ban Sardarji
jokes..".Sammelan ke baad, Santa, Banta aur doosare sardarji Delhi pohanch
jatein hain, Cultural Affairs mantri shri Surinder Singh se milnein..Kafi
Dharna ke baad wo Surinder singh se miltein hain. Santa chillata hai, "
Kaise sardarji ho ji aap, Desh mein din ba din Sardarjiyo par joke likha ja
raha hai aur aap Mantri ho kar bhi, kuch karte hi nahi..aap turanth iin
jokes par ban lagaiye.." Surinder singh kuch sochane ke bad bolta hai " Mere
pyare sardarji Bhaiyon,aap in jokes ko dil se kyon lete hain,jokes tho jokes
hai, aur waise bhi hum sardarji log kuch buddhu hote hain..". Santa aur
Banta yeh sunkar Gussa ho jatein hai aur chilatein hai, arre mantri jara
sabith kar ke dikhao ki hum buddhu hain..". Surinder bolta hai," OOye, ye lo
ji, ismein konsi baddi baat hain, abhi lo.." aur wo apne driver ko bulata
hai " oye Milkha singh, oye Milkha, jara idhar aa". Milkha cabin mein aata
hai.. Surinder bolta hai.." oye milkha ja daud ke ja aur pata kar ki mei
ghar pohancha ki nahin.."..Milkha chale jata hai. Surinder bolta hai.." Dekh
lo kitna buddhu hai, Telephone kar ke nahi pooch saktha tha.."..
* Sardar Tiger
Sardar Dhakaan Singh is big hunter. Once he went to a zoo. At that time a
big tiger escaped from its cage. The zoo officials sent everyone out of the
zoo and closed the main gate. Now the tiger is inside the zoo but wandering
freely.Zoo people requested sardar to go inside and trap the tiger in a
cage.Scared but to avoid insult he went into the zoo in his jeep carrying a
big gun. While driving on one of the zoo's roads, he noticed that the tiger
is chasing him. Feeling scared he drove the jeep fast but only to observe
that the tiger is very near to the jeep. At that time the road separated
into
two paths ahead, one to the left and other to the right. Then cleverly
dhakaal put the left indicator on and turned the jeep to the road on right.
The tiger runs into the left path. With a sigh of relief, he drove forward.
After some time the roads meet and the same situation arises again. once
more the road divides into two and this time our sardar is smart enough to
put the right indicator on and turned to left. This time the tiger goes into
the road on right side. After some time the roads meet again to our sardar's
misfortune and the tiger starts to chase him again. This time the road never
divides and our sardar thought the tiger would catch him. Then a brilliant
idea struck his mind. He slows down his jeep taking it to the left corner of
the road. Then
he held his hand outside and a gives signal which is given for vehicles
which want to overtake. The tiger this time overtakes his jeep and runs
forward.
Result :- There are Sardar Communities in Tigers too.
* 30000 kms
A sardar wanted to sell his old battered Maruti car which had done more than
100,000 kms. Since no body was inclined to buy it, he approached his friend
to
help him dispose it off. The friend advised him to have the mileage meter
reading reduced to around 30,000 kms so that he could tell the prospective
customer that it has been used sparingly. The sardar liked the idea. A few
weeks later the same friend met him and enquired whether he was able to
dispose off his car. The sardar replied, "Are you mad? Who sells a car which
has done only 30000 kms!
* Rechecking Answers
A Sardarjee reported for his University final examination which consists of
"yes/no" type questions. he takes his seat in the examination hall, stares
at
the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes
his wallet out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the
answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour he is all
done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few
minutes, he is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating.
The
moderator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. "I finished
the
exam in half and hour. But, I am rechecking my answers
* Money Needed
Santa Singh needed some money desperately.
Someone told him that if goes & prays at Gurudwara, Mosque, Church & a
temple, that his prayers will surely be answered. So Santa goes to a
Gurudwara, & prays there. Then he goes to a Mosque and prays there. Than he
goes to a church and prays there. Then he goes to a Shiv temple. The temple
had
a large Lord Shiva statue. Santa closes his eyes, bows his head, joins his
hands and says his prayer.
Santa: "Ho Jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho. Saannoo 100 rupayen
chahiye. Kirpa karo."
The priest saw Santa praying. He wante to help Santa, but knew that a Sikh
will never accept the money. So he drops a 100 rupee note, from behind the
statue, so that Santa can not see him. After Santa had said his prayers, and
opened his eyes. He saw the note and thought that god has listened to his
prayers. He takes the note and goes away. However he is back again next day
for money. Now the priest is really annoyed with Santa. The Priest decides
that he is not going to give any more money to
Santa. He changes the big Shivji statue with smaller one of Ganapathi that
day. Once again Santa goes to the prayer room. However he does not notice
the difference. Santa closes his eyes, bows his
head, joins his hands and says his prayer. Santa: "Ho Jee tussee itne vadde
ho. Itne mahan ho. Ajj to
saannoo 50 rupayen hi chahiye. Kirpa karo." After that he slowly opens his
eyes and does not find any
money.
Santa: "O papa jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho. Asee 10 rupayen me
hi kaam chala lenge. Kirpa karo jee." After that he slowly opens his eyes
and does not find any money. He slowly raises his head and now notices that
small Ganapthi statue. He carefully looks left and than right, & than slowly
moves a bit forward near the statue. Than he whispers to the Statue: "Beta,
Papa kitthe hai?!?!!
* What did the Sardar say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
"Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!"
* What do you call an eternity?
Four Sardars in four cars at a four way stop.
* Why do Sardars have TGIF written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.
* What do SMART Sardars and UFO's have in common?
You always hear about them but never see them.
* Why did the Sardars stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
Because it said concentrate.
Oh look, Daddy...Donut seeds.
* Why do Sardars always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
* How can you tell when a Sardars sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.
* Why can't Sardars dial 911?
They can't find the 11 on the phone!
* What do you do if a Sardar throws a pin at you?
Run, she's got a grenade in her mouth!
* How can you tell if a Sardar has been using your computer?
There is white-out all over the monitor.
* Why shouldn't Sardars have coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.
* How do you drown a Sardar?
Put a scratch & sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.
* Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as opposed to a
regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.
* How do you get a twinkle in a Sardar's eye?
Shine a flashlight in his ear.
* Why don't Sardars like making KOOL-AID?
Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
* Did you hear about the two Sardars that were found frozen to death
in their car at the drive-in movie theater?
They went to see "Closed for Winter".
* Why won't they hire Sardars as pharmacists?
They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
* Hear about the Sardar that got an AM radio?
It took her a month to realize he could play it at night.
* What happenned to the Sardar Ice Hockey Team?
They drowned in Spring Training.
* A Sardar walks into a bar, orders
three pints of "Desi Daru"and sits in the back of
the room, drinking a sip out of each one
inturn. When he finishes them, he comes back
to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint
goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if
you bought one at a time."
The Sardar replies, "Well, you see, I have
two brothers. One is in America, the other in
Dubai, and I'm here in Punjab. When we all
left home, we promised that we'd drink this
way to remember the days when we drank
together."
The bartender admits that this is a nice
custom, and leaves it there. The Sardar
becomes a regular in the bar, and always
drinks the same way: He orders three pints
and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All
the other regulars notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second
round, the bartender says, "I don't want to
intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my
condolences on your great loss."
The Sardar looks confused for a moment,
then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs.
"Oh, no," he, says, "everyone's fine. I've just
quit drinking."
* This is about a day when Mr. Zail was the President of
the country. All sardars in the country went to him this day and told him
that people tease them by making jokes about them that when the clock
stucks 12:00, all sardars go mad and act like crazy. They complained that
this is not true. They also complained that people talk about sardar
having no common sanse. Therefore, they demanded him to go bring for them
common sense.
Mr. Zail Singh was confused and asked his secretary to give him some
suggestions. The secretary advised him to go to Japan, since quality is
guaranteed.
The next day Mr. Zail Singh rushes off to Japan. At the Osaka Airport he
hires a cab and asks him to take him to a shop where he can get common
sense.
The cab driver was pissed, he told him that there is no shop in Japan that
sells such stuff. Infact every human being has common sense since birth. And
that one should know how to make use of it. Mr. Zail Singh asked him to
explain in detail.
He started explaining by giving an example. The example was that there are 4
members in his family, his wife, his son, and his daughter. He then asked
Mr. Zail Singh to guess the fourth members of the family. Mr. Zail Singh
said, "How am i supposed to know who is the forth member in your family".
The driver said, "fool, its me"
Mr. Zail then understood and said,"oh! is this what common sense is?, Indian
sardars are fools and stupid, this is so easy!"
The next day he goes back to India and announces all sardars to get together
for a mass sardar lunch. He starts explaining with the same example. He
says," there are 4 members in my family, my son, my daughter, and my wife,
guess who is the fourth one?". All sardars shouted, "We don't know".
He then yells at them,"You fools, stupid, good for nothing. It is so
simple, the fourth member of the family is that taxi driver"
*
Sardar Terrorist
There were two Sardarjis Bantya and Santya as bombers. They
had to place a time bomb in order to explode a building. So
they were going on their destination in a car. On their way
Bantya asked Santya, "Santya what will happen if the time
bomb explodes in this car itself." Santya replied
"Don't worry, I have a spare one!!!!!
*
Dangerous Buddy: A Paki goes to the doctor and as he touches every
part of her body with her finger she says, "Doctor it hurts everywhere. My
leg hurts, my arm hurts, my neck hurts, and even my head hurts!" The doctor
asks, "Where you ever a friends with a Sardar?"
"Yes I was." he replies. "why do you ask?"
The doctor answers, "because your finger is broken!"
*
Dead Bird: A Sardar and a Paki were walking outside when the Paki
said, "Oh look at the dead bird."
The Sardar looked skyward and said, "Where, where?"
*
This is is a letter from a sardarji mother to her
son at school ...
Pyaarey Puttar,
Vahe Guru. I am writing this letter slow because I
know you can't read fast. We don't live where we
did when you left home. Your dad read in the
newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles
from your home, so we moved! I won't be able to
give you the address as the last sardar who stayed
in this house took the numbers with them for their
next house, so they wouldnt have to change their
address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing
machine. I'm not sure it works too well, last week
I put in three shirts and pulled the chain and I
HAVE NOT SEEN THEM SINCE.
THE weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice
last week. The first it rained for three days and the
second time for four days. The coat you wanted me
to send you, your aunt said it would be a little too
heavy to send in the mail with all the buttons, so we
cut them off and put them in the pocket.
We got another bill from the funeral home. It said
that if we don't make the last payment on
GRANDMA'S FUNERAL, she will come up again.
Your father has another job. He has 500 men under
him. He is cutting the grass in the cemetery. Your
sister had a baby this morning, I havent found out
whether it is a boy or girl, so I don't know whether
you are an aunt or uncle!
Your uncle jatindar fell into a whiskey vat. Some
men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off
and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for
3 days.
Three of your friends went off the bridge in a
pick-up truck. One was driving and the other two
were in the back. the driver got out, he rolled down
the window and swam to safety. the other 2 friends
drowned because they couldn't get the gate down.
there isn't much more news at this time. nothing much has happened.
love, mom
p.s. i was going to send you some money, but the
envelope was already sealed.
* Sardarji Takes Art Class: One Day, A sardarji went to take an art
class. His
art teacher gave the assignment that he must paint
something. The sardarji did not know what to
paint, so the teacher told him to paint that which
he felt was the most beautiful thing in the world.
The sardarji thought, Nothing can be more
beautiful than my village, so I shall paint that.
The sardarji spent all his time working on the
painting the next day. He did not eat, sleep, or
take a bath.
Finally, he took the painting to his art teacher.
His art teacher was amazed at the detail of the
picture, but he said, "No, no, there is something
missing. Go back to your village and see what you
have missed."
The sardarji went back to his village and revised his
painting. The next day in class, he returned with
the painting. He presented a black canvas to
his instructor. His instructor said, "What! You fool!
I said revise not destroy!"
The sardarji said, "Well you told me to paint what I
was missing, so I went back to the village, and looked
for a long time. Then, there was a power outage, so I
thought to myself this is what I am missing, so I painted
black!"
* A Sardar Computer Illiterate: True story from a Novell NetWire
SysOp:
Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am
within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, It's
because
I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a
trade
show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have
any trademark
on it?"
Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know
anything about a
promotional. It just has '4X' on it."
At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because
he couldn't stand it.
The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM
drive as a cup holder,
and snapped it off the drive!
*
Jurassic Park
This sardarji goes to see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start
approaching, he was hiding under his seat when his friend asks him ;kyon
sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai.; Sardarji
replies ;Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai, lekin voh to
janwar hai, usko kya pata"
*
Brain Tumor
There's a funeral procession of a sardar going on a busy street. All
the sardars in the 'mayyat' are dancing the bhangra and singing and general
'balle balle' is on. The people on the street find it strange that instead
of mourning everyone is celebrating as if its marriage baraat. So one of
them asks Santa Singh, ;Singh Saab, aapka koi sage wala gujar gaya hai aur
aap naach rahe ho?; .....comes the reply, ;Haan ji! Hai hi baat badi kushi
ki!!! Aaj paheli baar ek sardar brain tumour se mara hai!!!;
*
Photocopy
One Sardar needed two plain papers but he had only one. Do you know
what he did: photocopied the one which he had. sardar are fun aren't
*
European Closet
Santa and Banta went to US They have stayed a five star hotel. Santa
don't know how to use the European closet he dropped everything in a packet
and placed it on one of the leaves of the fan. Banta came and switch on the
fan and everything spread on the wall When the room boy came Santa gave a 10
dollars and told him to wash it off . But the Room boy gazed at it for a
five minutes and taken a 25 dollars from the pocket and told to Santa "I
will give you this 25 dollars if you say how did u do it so beautifully".
*
One more Plane Crash
Garbachan singh was traveling from Calcutta to Bombay by a plane,
There were one American, one Russian, one Pakistani and some other
passengers. Suddenly something went wrong pilot alarmed that plane lost it's
control and some of the passengers have to jump out to rescue the rest of
them. Firstly the American jumped out saying "Jai America" again the
condition didn't change then the Russian jumped out from the plane saying
"Jai Russia". But the condition still the same. The next is Garbachen's turn
he hesitated for a moment and pulled out the Pakistani by saying "Jai
India".
*
A Plane journey
A jet ran in to some turbulent weather. To keep passengers calm, the
air hostess brought out the beverage carts.
"I'd like a soda " said the passenger in the front row. Moving along, the
air hostess asked the man behind her if he would like something.
"Yes I would," he replied. "Give me whatever the pilot is drinking!".
*
Crime Story
"I'm going on vacation . Could you suggest a thrilling crime story
?" Santa asks to Banta. "Here this one is so suspenseful you won't be able
to put it down" replies Banta. "only on the last page do you find out that
the gardener did it".
*
New House
Santa meets Banta
Santa: "so have you moved to a new house"
Banta: "No."
Santa: "Why not? You advertised to sell your old house, didn't you?"
Banta: "Yes, but when I read the ad, I realized it was just the home I was
looking for!".
*
Salt Seller
Do you really sell that much salt? A man asks to a Sardar who is
running a grocery shop stocked with thousands of boxes of salt.
"No " says the Sardar. "I sell may be two boxes a month. To tell you the
truth, I'm not a good salt seller. But the one who sell me salt-now he's a
good salt seller."
*
Marathon Race
One day Sardar happened to see a marathon race.
"What the guys are doing" asked the sardar.
" We are running a marathon. The winner will get prize" replied one runner.
"Only the winner will get prize! Then why others are participating!!"
Exclaimed the Sardar
*
13th Floor
One day a sardarji was sitting in his office on the
thirteenth floor building when a man came running in
to his office and shouted "Santa Singh your daughter
Preeto just died in an accident" Sardarji was in
panic.Not knowing what to do he jumped from his office
window. While coming down when he was near the tenth
floor he remembered he didn't have a daughter named
Preeto. When he was near the fifth floor he remembered
he was not married.When he was about to hit the ground
he remembered he was not Santa Singh.
*
Phone Book
A sardar walked up to the front desk of the library
and said, "I borrowed a book last week, but it was the
most boring I've ever read. There was no story
whatsoever, and there were far too many characters!"
The librarian replied, "Oh, you must be the person who
took our phone book."
*
Cows Don't Fly
A sardar was walking along, when he looked up to
observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird
dropped a load when it was directly over him. The
Sardar says, "Good thing that cows don't fly."
*
Dark Room
Did you hear about the sardar who asked his friends to
give him all their burnt out light bulbs? He just
bought a camera and wanted to set up a Darkroom.
*
Relaxing
One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in UK.A lady
came and asked him, " Are you relaxing" Sardar
answered '" No I am Banta Singh" Another Guy Came and
asked! ! ! ! the same Question. Sardar answered " No No Me
! Banta Singh" Third one came and asked the same
question Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to
shift his place. While walking he saw another Sardar
enjoying the Beach. He went and asked him " Are you
Relaxing?" The other Sardar was much educated and
answered "Yes I am relaxing. The Sardar slapped him on
his face and said "Idiot, Sab tere Ko wahahn dhoond
rahe hai aur tu Yahaan Aaram Kar raha hai. "
* Electricity: A call from ladies hostel at night to electricity
office
" we lost the power send your men"
" No Man here, Use Candles"
* Judgment Then there was the 85 year old woman who found her husband
in bed with another woman. She was so enraged that she dragged him to the
balcony of their high-rise apartment and pushed him to his death.
When she appeared in court, the judge asked if she had anything to say in
her own defence.
"Well Your Honour," she replied, "I figured if at 92 he he could make love,
he could fly too."
* Snap Banat singh was working in a studio as a photographer. One day
he went to a function to take some snaps. While filling the film roll in to
the camera it dropped down rolled beneath to the saree of an woman. Sardar
hesitated for a moment and approached the woman and said "Could you please
lift up the saree so that I can take the photo"
* Sex Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He
promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he the column
SEX. He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he
wrote THRICE A WEEK. On seeing this in his appln. form, he was told that it
was wrong and what they wanted it to be filled was either MALE or FEMALE.
Again our sardar thought for a long time before coming up with the answer
PREFERABLY FEMALES.
* AIDS Sardar Garbhajan singh went for his usual morning walk. At one
junction he found a crowd. One man holding a syringe on one hand and the
famous actress on the other hand. He threatens to inject the liquid which
contain AIDS virus in to her body unless he is given a ransom of 10 corers
of Rupees . Police men are helplessly watching. At this moment Garbachen
rushed to the man and has a fight, he dropped the syringe, Police men
arrested him. On the next day a ceremony is conducted to reward Garbachen.
The chief guest CM of punjab while giving away the reward asked to the
Garbachen " We are proud of you How did you show that much of courage even
if you are aware of AIDS ?" Garbachen said "Sir I always wear a condom to
avoid AIDS"
* Treatment One man went to consult as he is very thin and doesn't
grow well after having enough food, after diagnosis doctor said there is a
worm inside his stomach it eats everything you eat and the man asked for the
treatment. Doctor prescribed the treatment "From tomorrow onwards when you
come to see myself come with a banana and an apple". The net day he came
with a banana and an apple. Doctor told him to eat the banana and insert the
apple through his back hole. After one month treatment there is no change
except size of the back hole increased so that the apple can be thrown
through the hole freely. He told the doctor " Doctor there is no change in
my physical condition after one month of treatment " Doctor told him "when
you come tomorrow come with a banana and a hammer instead of apple". The
next day he came with banana and the hammer. Doctor let the man to eat the
banana first and wait for a five minutes while the worm come out from his
stomach and told the ill fated patient "You idiot trying to change my diet ,
where is my apple??" At the very moment the doctor thrashed the worm with
the hammer and the insect dead.
* Jurassic Park This sardarji goes to see Jurassic Park and when the
Dinosaurs start approaching, he was hiding under his seat when his friend
asks him ;kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to
hai.; Sardarji replies ;Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai,
lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata"
* Brain Tumor There's a funeral procession of a sardar going on a busy
street. All the sardars in the 'mayyat' are dancing the bhangra and singing
and general 'balle balle' is on. The people on the street find it strange
that instead of mourning everyone is celebrating as if its marriage baraat.
So one of them asks Santa Singh, ;Singh Saab, aapka koi sage wala gujar gaya
hai aur aap naach rahe ho?; .....comes the reply, ;Haan ji! Hai hi baat badi
kushi ki!!! Aaj paheli baar ek sardar brain tumour se mara hai!!!;
* Photocopy One sardar needed two plain papers but he had only one.Do
you know what he did: photocopied the one which he had. sardar are fun arn't
* European Closet Santa and Banta went to US They have stayed a five
star hotel. Santa don't know how to use the European closet he dropped
everything in a packet and placed it on one of the leaves of the fan. Banta
came and switch on the fan and everything spread on the wall When the room
boy came Santa gave a 10 dollars and told him to wash it off . But the Room
boy gazed at it for a five minutes and taken a 25 dollars from the pocket
and told to Santa "I will give you this 25 dollars if you say how did u do
it so beautifully".
* One more Plane Crash Garbachan singh was travelling from Calcutta to
Bombay by a plane, There were one American, one Russian, one Pakistani and
some other passengers. Suddenly something went wrong pilot alarmed that
plane lost it's control and some of the passengers have to jump out to
rescue the rest of them. Firstly the American jumped out saying "Jai
America" again the condition didn't change then the Russian jumped out from
the plane saying "Jai Russia". But the condition still the same. The next is
Garbachen's turn he hesitated for a moment and pulled out the Pakistani by
saying "Jai India".
* A Plane journey A jet ran in to some turbulent weather. To keep
passengers calm, the air hostess brought out the beverage carts.
"I'd like a soda " said the passenger in the front row. Moving along, the
air hostess asked the man behind her if he would like something.
"Yes I would," he replied. "Give me whatever the pilot is drinking!".
* Crime Story "I'm going on vacation . Could you suggest a thrilling
crime story ?" Santa asks to Banta. "Here this one is so suspenseful you
won't be able to put it down" replies Banta. "only on the last page do you
find out that the gardener did it".
* New House Santa meets Banta
Santa: "so have you moved to a new house"
Banta: "No."
Santa: "Why not? You advertised to sell your old house, didn't you?"
Banta: "Yes, but when I read the ad, I realized it was just the home I was
looking for!".
* Salt Seller Do you really sell that much salt? A man asks to a
Sardar who is running a grocery shop stocked with thousands of boxes of
salt.
"No " says the Sardar. "I sell may be two boxes a month. To tell you the
truth, I'm not a good salt seller. But the one who sell me salt-now he's a
good salt seller."
* Marathon Race One day Sardar happened to see a marathon race.
"What the guys are doing" asked the sardar.
" We are running a marathon. The winner will get prize" replied one runner.
"Only the winner will get prize! Then why others are participating!!"
Exclaimed the Sardar
* Ladies Room While at the college Sardar happened to watch the notice
board.
It reads: Invites suggestions for the modification of Ladies Room.
Sardar writes under
Let the men Permit to Enter
* Plane Crash Once, a Hindu, a Sardar and an American were travelling
in an aeroplane. Suddenly, something went wrong and the engines stalled.
They had no parachutes with them. So all the three of them decided to risk
their lives and jump out of their planes. First, the Sardar jumped out. He
removed his turban, used it as a parachute and jumped. Using the turban he
slowly floated down. Then the Hindu removed his dhoti and jumped out. Again
his dhoti acted as a parachute and he also floated down gently. Seeing this,
the American removed his shirt and pant and jumped out. Unfortunately, they
did not do well as a parachute and he began to fall rapidly from the plane
to the ground. He passed by the Hindu who said - " May Bhagwan help you".
Then he passed the Sardar. The Sardar looked at the American zooming past
him and was puzzled. So he said - "I see! You want a race! Let us see who is
faster" Saying so, he let go of his turban.
* What is in a Name When Gavaskar finds out that there has been
released, a movie, in Australia called "Gavaskar", he is very happy. He
plans to watch it and gets a ticket for Australia at once. With great
difficulty he manages to get a ticket and very happily he goes to see the
movie. But when he comes out of the cinema he is very angry! He goes
straight to the director of the movie and says, "What do you mean by this?
You named your movie 'Gavaskar', but didnt show anything about me in it!".
The director of the movie laughs and says, "So now you understand the
problem? You people too made a movie called 'Border', but did you show
anything about Allan Border in it?"
* Punjabi and Bengali patriotism A Punjabi Sardar and a Bengali Babu
were talking about their State's patriotic history during the freedom
struggle. The debate heated up and both ended up claiming that their state
had the maximum number of freedom fighters. They finally agreed on a method
to find which of the states had more freedom fighters. Each person would say
the name of a freedom fighter from his state and pull one hair out of his
opponents head. Both of them began earnestly. "Bhagat Singh" said the Sardar
and pulled one hair from the Bengali. "Netaji" said the Bengali and did the
same. They continued like this for some time, but soon exhausted all known
freedom fighters. The Bengali, however, was very clever. He used Sardar's
ignorance and reeled off a lot of imaginary names. The Punjabi was stuck. He
did not know any more Punjabi freedom fighter's name. He thought deeply for
a moment, jumped on the Bengali's head and pulled all his hair out shouting
- "JallianWala Bagh".
* Suicide Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks
and he takes along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and
asks "kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" (Why do you take these things
with you?). Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na
marjaun" (If the stupid train comes late, I will die of hunger!)
* Think Thunk Thunk Banta Singh finished his English exam and came
out. His friends asked him how did he do his exam, for that he replied ;
Exam was okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, and thought, and
thought ... and at last I wrote THUNK !!!;
* Banana Peel So this sardarji is walking the other day and comes
across a banana peel on the road. Can you guess what he might be thinking??
Saala aaj bhi girna padega!!!
* Going to the Sun Two Sardarjis, both student of I.I.T, Kanpur, were
talking about the American Astronauts. One said to the other, "What's the
big deal about going to the moon-anybody can go to the moon. We are sardars
we will go direct to the sun." "But if we get within 13 million miles from
the sun, we'll melt." And the first answered, "So what, we'll go at night.
* Call to the Next Door Banta Singh dialed to talk to his dear pal
Santa Singh "Is that 6545224?." asked Banta Singh. "No this is 6545225."
came the reply. After thinking for few seconds Banta Singh replied "No
matter, please call Mr. Santa Singh from next door
* Lie Detector An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji are called
upon to test a lie detector .
The Englishman says: "I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer".
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"Ok", he says, "10 bottles".
And the machine is silent.
The American says: "I think I can eat 15 hamburgers".
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"All right, 8 hamburgers".
And the machine's silent.
The Sardarji says: "I think...", BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.
* Empty and Full Disks Santa and Banta work in a software company. One
day, they were to move their m/cs to another building. Santa was having a
tough time carrying his machine.
Santa : "My m/c has 500 MB disk.
See how easily I am carrying it. Yours has just 250 MB.
Can't you carry even this much?"
Banta : "But yours is empty and my disk is full"!!!
* Missing Donkey Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his
knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey
is missing; what are you thanking God for ?" The sardarji replied "I am
thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time,
otherwise I would have been missing too." Sardar with Red ears A sardarji
with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened
to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but
instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck
it to my ear." "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But what
happened to your other ear?" "The scoundrel called back."
* Fill in Capital One great day in Bombay, One young couple was on
honeymoon tour. They saw one Sardarji in front of Hospital ( Bridge Candy )
was trying to fill some form. So eagerly couple enquired " aare Sardarji kya
kar raahe ho " Sardarji replied that I had a baby and I am filling the birth
certificate form. Young Couple as per prescheduled, they took the Bombay to
Delhi Flight for their next destination. On the very next day, they find the
same Sardarji, in front of Lal Qilla in Delhi filling the same form. So once
again young couple curiously asked "Aare Sardarji kya kar raahe ho" sardarji
once again replied that I had a baby and I am filling the birth certificate
form. Couple said, "But sardarji yesterday you were in Bombay filling the
same form. Why are you in Delhi ?". Sardaji coolly replied "Aare Saab Ye
form mein leekha hey ke FILL IN CAPITAL" Aap ko etna bhi patta nahi hei ..
Ha Ha Ha.....
* Train Journey Once a Sardarji was traveling on a train. He felt
sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to
wake him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt
that for 20 rupees, the sardarji deserved more service. So, when the
Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the
station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home,
he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror. Said
his wife " What's the matter?" Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken
my 20 rupees and woken up someone else"
* Sardar's Maruthi One fine morning found Sardarji driving his new
Maruti (which he called marrruttti very affectionately). Sardarji was very
happy to be the owner of a marrruttti and was singing to himself. Suddenly,
he collided with the milkman. The accident caused much damage to the
milkman's bicycle and our guy was furious. Sardarji ran towards him mumbling
apologies, but the our guy was not pacified. He shouted "Sardar, khoon ka
badla khoon, torfoor ka badla torfoor". Saying so, he got a stout stick and
starting hammering it on the windshield. Sardarji was shocked and tried to
take the stick from him, requesting him to stop. But the milkman (who was
incidently very stout) got hold of the Sardarji and carried him ten meters
away from his marrruttti. He drew a small circle near the road with the
stick and asked Sardarji to stay inside and not move outside the circle,
threatening him with his stout stick for better measure. Now our Sardarji
was not very brave at heart and coolly went to stand in the circle. Our
milkman goes back to what he had left in the middle and starts on the
headlights. After this, he starts on the rearlights. As soon as he breaks
the first one, he hears a faint chuckle from the Sardarji. He breaks the
other one, now he could distinctly hear the Sardarji laugh slightly.
Enraged, he goes to the Sardarji and asks him why he was laughing. Sardarji
says that it was nothing. He comes backs and resumes his assault on the poor
marrruttti and as he goes on in this act, Sardarji's laughs become louder
and louder. Enraged, the milkman increases his assault , but the laughs keep
on increasing rather than decreasing. At last, the milkman can't stop
himself. He goes to the Sardar and taking him by the collar, asks him the
reason for laughing. Our Sardar at first says it was nothing, but when the
milkman starts getting really rough, he breaks down. He says "If I tell you,
you will beat me". The milkman, now very curious, promises not to do
anything if the Sardar tells him. Satisfied about his safety, our Sardarji
says "You know, while u were engaged there, I came out of the circle
seventeen times.
* "Witty Husband: A Sardarji, very proud of his humour used to say to
his wife leaving for the office : 'Good bye Char Bacchon ki Maa' . One day
his wife fed up of this answered : ' Bye Bye, Doo Bacchon Ke Baap'. That
ended the husband's witticisms.
* Sweater: Mrs Kartar had bought a beautiful sweater for her husband .
She sent it to her husband by parcel post along with a note. The note said :
' The buttons of the sweater are removed since they where too heavy and
added to the postage . You will find them in the right hand pocket of the
sweater
* Waiter: Banta Singh went to eat in ramshackle hotel. To his surprise
the waiter who came to serve him happened to be one of his classmate at
school. Banta called him and said 'Aren't you ashamed of working in a seedy
joint like this?' 'Not at all,' replied the classmate. 'I would be ashamed
if I ate my meal here. I only work in this place.'
* Beta: Take me to the 10th floor,' said Banta Singh as he entered the
lift of a high rise building. When the lift reached its destination, the
liftman opened its gates and said, 'The 10th floor, beta.' 'Why did you call
me beta?' demanded Banta Singh. 'I am not your son.' 'I called you beta
because I brought you up,' replied the liftman.
* Ticket Collector: The collector asked Banta Singh for his rail
ticket. Banta Singh searched his pockets but could not find it. 'Never
mind,' reassured the collector, ' I will take your word that you bought your
ticket.' 'That is very kind of you,' replied Banta Singh, 'but if I don't
find it, I want to know where to get off.'
* Closed "Open Glass": Santa Singh : 'Look Banta, what type of glasses
they have made. The top is closed. How can you fill lassi in it ?'
Banta Singh : 'Yes, that's funny. And even if you make a hole at the top,
how will the lassi stay in the glass when the bottom is open?'
* Answer in "Brief": Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his
University final examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall,
stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of
inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. He then
removes his turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and
watch follow suit. The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is
going on. "Oye, I am only following the instructions yaar," he says, " it
says here, 'Answer the following questions in brief'."
* A Police Story: Three police squads , The Scotland Yard police , The
NY Police and the Punjab Sardar brigade contest for the best police force
ward . The judges lead them to the Gir forest of India and assign them the
mission . He who captures an adult Lion and brings it back alive in the
fastest time will be adjudged the best . First Scotland yard goes into the
forest and comes back in half an hour with a Lion all tied up . Then the NY
police go in and come back in 15 minutes with a tied up lion. Lastly the
sardar brigade goes in . 15 minutes , half an hour , one hour goes and no
sign of our saradrjis The judges give up and decide to search for them .
They go into the forest . After some searching , they find the sardarjis all
excitedly yelling near a tree . The sardarjis have tied up a big bear to a
tree and one of them is shouting , "Bol tu sher Hai ! Saala Bol ! tu Sher
Hai !! " (Admit that you are a lion! You are a lion).
* ONE FINE DAY A GIRL PROPOSED TO A SARDAR AND SARDAR DENIED
SIMPLY SAYING THAT IN OUR FAMILY,
WE MARRY ONLY OUR RELATIVES..
MY MOM MARRIED MY DAD,
MY BROTHER MARRIED MY BHABHI ,
MY UNCLE MARRIED MY AUNT AND SO ON.
SO PLEASE EXCUSE ME !!!!!
* Banta Singh and Santa Singh got tired using cell phones and for a
change decided to use really ancient methods of communication. They
decided to use pigeons to send messages. So they went and bought
expensive carrier pigeons from the Jama Masjid market in old Delhi
and found to their joy that the pigeons indeed could be trained and
the birds very easily learnt to return directly to their respective
homes. And so this scheme worked very fine.
One day Santa sends his pigeon. When the pigeon reaches to Banta it
is with out message. Banta picked his mobile and asked Santa "What
is this joke? The pigeon is without any message!!!"
Santa said "Oye khoteya, this was a missed call.".........lol............
* "Help.... the Titanic is going to be drowned...."
Everybody in the ship is shouting, crying, running or praying to God...
Just then a Italian asks the nearby Sardarji in the ship.
Italian : How far is land, from here ?
Sardarji : Two miles .
Italian : Only two miles, Then why are these fools making noise.
I have got the experience of swimming even more.
The Italian jumps off the ship into the sea and comes up
to the layer to ask something again.
Italian : Just tell me which side, is land two miles from here ?
Sardarji : Downwards... !!
* Sardarjee to Sunita: "I want to marry you"
Sunita: "But I am one year elder to you."
Sardarjee: "No Problem, then I will marry you next year."
* Q:) Why does sardarji brings binoculorses in his own marriage?
A:) To see his far reletavies.
* Two Sardars went into a pub and after ordering two
beers took some sandwiches out of their pockets and started to eat them.
"You can't eat your own sandwiches in here," complained the pub-owner.
So the two sardars swapped (exchanged) their sandwiches.
* Once upon a time, a Sardarji saw a boy who wore his cap in the back
direction.
This event really harrased the social nature of sardarji and
then he also decided to wear his pagari in the backward direction .
While he was on his way to his office another Sardar saw him and asked
"Sardar ji aa rahe ho ke jaa rahe ho"
* A sardar was very fond of sensational and detective novels,
but he always started reading from the middle.
A friend of his asked why he did so?"
It'z doubly interesting", said the Sardar. "TO start from the
middle keeps one curious not only about its conclusion but also about its
beginning
* Once a Sardarji was going to his office.
On the way he slipped on a banana peel and was badly hurt.
Next day , on his way to the office, he noticed a banana peel
and Later after two days, he noticed two banana peels and
exclaimed" ari sala, aaj to choice hai"!!!!!!
* A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate
Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in
education
on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must
answer
two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not
the answer I expected, so your answer is correct. But how did you get only
12 seconds in a year?"
The Sardar replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc...."
Saint Peter lets him in without another word
* Santa ji naukri dhoond rahe they, India mein to kahi se call aayee
nahin..."yahaan to companiya mere, standard kee nahin hai khair !!" Ab
aaayee videsh ki baari... wahan se to ji pehali, baar mein hi reply aa gaya.
bade khush...daru-sharu di party de dali. Dost poocchne lagge ki, bhai, bata
to kon si company hai, kitni salary hai...vagairah- To Santa ne apni
Appointment Letter sab ko dikhayi. English mein likha tha --- "Dear Mr.
Santa, You do not meet our requirements no further correspondence will be
entertained" Sab Santa ke dost daaru pi ke to pad nahin sakte the aur wo bhi
English???? So Santa ne TRANSLATE kiya Santa: Arey Angrezi ich letter aayeaa
haiga, main hune tonuu translate kaar ke suna riya haaan .. To suno ki
likhya hai...... "Dear Mr. Santa" ---- Sade pyarey Mishterrr Santa "You do
not meet" ----- tum to milte hi nahin ho...bahut busy ho. "our requirements"
----- Humhe to bahut zarooorat hai. "no further correspondence" ----- Aage
chitthi patri di jarurat nahin hai, jaise bhi ho jaldi se aa jao "will be
entertained"---- Bahut khatir ki jayegi.....................
* One day evening a Sardarji starts from office to home with pushing
his scooter manually. He met his friend on the way... Friend: why are you
pushing your scooter manually? Sardarji: 'I forgot to bring the scooter key
from my home. Friend: 'Is it! Then, How did you come to office from home in
the morning?' Sardarji: 'I was pushing my scooter from home to office also
in the morning.
* How Does a Sardar Cheat the Railways?? He buys the ticket but
doesn't travel !!!!!!!!
* Mr Banta Singh is traveling from Moscow to Turban Pore [Capital of
Khalistan] by Kithe Pacific. Seated besides him is Gary Kasparov. Gary asks
him whether he would like to play chess to kill time. Banta : 'Oye Gar(r)y.
You think I don't know who U are?. I can't compete with a world champion'
Gary : 'How about if I play left handed ?' Banta : [Think.. Think..] 'OK!'
Banta is demolished in 4 moves... and is very upset through-out the rest of
the journey. On landing he meets his friend Santa Singh. Banta : Hey! U know
what! I played Chess with Gary Kasparov and he defeated me inspite of him
playing left-handed..... Santa : Oye ullu-de pathey!! He sure did fool you!!
U know what!! Gary IS LEFT-HANDED!!
* One day a Sardarji talking with his friend....... Sardarji: We have
to learn Telugu within 6 months or we will not be able to communicate with
my child. Friend: Is it! Why? Sardarji: We have adopted a telugu child and
it will start to speak after 6 months.
* One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in America. A lady came and
asked him, " Are you relaxing" Sardar answered '" No I am Banta Singh"
Another Guy Came and asked the same Question. Sardar answered " No No Me
Banta Singh" Third one came and asked the same question Sardar was totally
annoyed and decided to shift his place. While walking he saw another Sardar
enjoying the Beach. He went and asked him " Are you Relaxing?" The other
Sardar was much educated and answered "Yes I am relaxing " Our Sardar
slapped him on his face and said, "Salay, Sab tere Ko wahah doond rahe hai
aur tu Yahaan Aaram Kar raha hai."
* After making a trip of South India , Santa Singh ,his wife and his
son were returning to punjab in Tamilnadu Express. Santa Singh was occupying
the lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son the top most berth in
the train. When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the
son requested Santa Singh to bring him a cup of Ice cream to which Santa
readily agreed. When Santa and his son returned they found that a South
Indian who couldn't understand hindi had occupied his son's birth .
Outraged, Santa Singh called the TT and asked him to help. TT requested
that he could not understand Hindi/Punjabi so it would be better if Santa
Singh explained the whole situation to him in English. Santa Singh explained
, " That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child."
* There were 2 surd, both of them were good hunters, one of them
Mr.Daka Singh killed only lions & tigers, and one Mr. Laka Singh killed only
deers. Once they both met. Laka Singh asked Daka Singh how is that you only
kill lions & tigers and I kill only deers. Tell me the trick. He told him
just go to a cave and imitate the noise of a sheep the lion comes out of the
cave and shoot him then that quite easy. After 2 months daka singh got the
news that Laka Singh was in the hospital on questioning him he exclaimed I
did the same thing you told me. I just outside a big cave and imitated the
noise of a sheep but I did not know that deccan queen was coming out from
the cave.
* BEPPO SINGH QUEUING BEHIND HIS FRIEND AT AN ATM MACHINE. Friend:
What are you looking at? Beppo Singh: I know your PIN no., hee, hee. Friend:
Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it? Beppo Singh: four asterisks!
* BEPPO SINGH WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL. Teacher: What is 5 plus 4? Beppo
Singh: 9 Teacher: What is 4 plus 5? Beppo Singh: Are you trying to fool me,
you've just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!
* BEPPO SINGH'S MOTHER DIED. Beppo Singh: (crying) the doctor called,
my mother is dead. Friend: condolence, my friend. After 2 minutes Beppo
Singh cries even louder Friend: what now? Beppo Singh: my sister just
called, her mother died too!
* BEPPO SINGH NEEDS VITAMINS FOR GRANDSON. Beppo Singh: I'd like some
vitamins for my grandson. Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C? Beppo Singh: Any
will do, my grandson doesn't know the alphabet yet!!
* BEPPO SINGH STUCK ON THE ELEVATOR. Lotta Singh: Sorry I'm late. I
got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs. because of a power failure. Beppo Singh:
Thats alright, me too...I got stuck on the escalator for 3 hrs.
SAnta Nd BantA -DumB ANd DumbEr
Santa & Banta doing what they do best!
Santa: I have swallowed a key.
Doctor: When?
Santa: 3 months back!
Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too
A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.
Two days of power cuts in Delhi had made life miserable. Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of Santa & Banta were struck for 48 hrs on escalators!
1) Ek SARDAR INDIAN FLAG LENE SHOP PAR GAYA.
FLAG DEKHKAR SARDAR KUCH BOLA
JISE SUNKAR SHOPKEEPER PARESHAN HO GAYA..
GUESS WOH KYA BOLA.....
IS MEIN AUR COLOUR DIKHAO
2) SARDAR: AAJ MAINE PAANI KO ULLU BANAYA
2ND SARDAR: wo kaise?
1ST SARDAR: aaj maine nahane k liye paani garm kiya aur thande se naha liya.
3) SARDAR- yaar maine apni girl friend ko gift dena hai, kya dun ?
2ND- Gold ring de de
1ST- koi badi cheez bata
2ND - M.R.F ka tyre de de
4) A donkey kicked sardar & ran away
sardar ran to catch the donkey.
He saw a zebra & started beating it
& said 'SALA Tracksuit pahan ke dhoka de raha hai'.
5) Lect: write a note on Gandhi jayanti..??
So..
santa writes "Gandhi was a great man but maa kasam i dont know who is Jayanti..
6) Banta: you cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to you.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all India Radio!
7) Why did Santa throw the butter out of the window?
A: He wanted to see butterfly!
what is the cube of 13?
Its : SUROOR
wandaring how?
thats bcoz....
TERA * TERA * TERA = SUROOR
9) ek aadmi k 6 fingers thi,use log hanuman bulate the...batao kyon?
kyonki uska naam hanuman tha..
10) who was the 1st Indian woman fly abroad?
..........sita with ravan
11) what did the kangaroo say when she found her baby missing?
…….Aaila!!!!! kisne mera pocket maar liya
12) wht do u call a really colourful tamilian???
Ans: Rangamannar rangrajan
13) n elephant falls in luv wid n ant.but Ant’s parents r against their marrige¦guess y??
they gave a solid reason…**Ladke k dant bahar hai**
14)ones sardarji saw a very soni kudi in the market & thought..
kash k ye meri maa hondi to main v inna sona honda..
15) Full form of MATHS????
Mentally Affected Teacher Harassing Students…
16) what wud u call a girl who never laughs??
Ans: hasina
Regards,mailto:Dj H@NzLabels: joke
